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Science tell us about both activities which are good for health and others which are bad. Millon of people all over the world know this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it ?

Science tell us about both activities which are good for health and others which are bad. Millon of people all over the world know this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it? e5EWB
The developed science have its positove and negative sides. Some people think it is good for human well-being, however, some people use science to do negative activities. This essay will discuss this statement and give some useful solutions. First of all, the reason why people continue to do unhealthy things is that they have too much stress such as the problem of working condition, family relationship and friendship. This means people may take illegal drugs which invented by scientists who tend to have bad purposes. In addition, young people often suffer from this case as they may face different setbacks during their growth and friends between youth may try to attract them to take the drugs. Those are the reasons for some people keep doing unhealthy behaviours. Secondly, negative activities can earn lots of money is another reason for some people doing these activities such as selling drugs. There many people addict on using drugs for release pressure, party excitement and medical treatment. Some people think organise a market to sell drugs can earn money easily and there are obvious some people need them. Therefore, for financial aspect, people rather risk themself for survival than not stop doing the bad activities. Finally, I think governments should manage those situation to decrease unhealthy activities which is a threat for people’s health. For example, professional license need to be hold for someone who selling drugs and teach them the right method of using it such as the maximum amount of using. Furthermore, giving warning and apply penalty for those of who selling drugs without license and someone who overtaking it, or even sending them to jail if they addict on drugs seriously and provide a quitting drug lesson. In conclusion, although there are positive things on science, it still have some drawbacks, such as illegal activities. In my view, government should produce some useful policy to avoid it continues happen.
The developed science have its
Possible spelling mistake found.
positove
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for human well-being,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
science to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will discuss this statement and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue to do unhealthy things is that they have too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
such as the problem of working condition, family relationship and friendship. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may take illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
which invented by scientists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
purposes.
In addition
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from this case as they may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
setbacks during their growth and friends between youth may try to attract them to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. Those are the reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can earn lots of money is another reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addict on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
for release pressure, party excitement and medical treatment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a market to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
can earn money
easily
and there are obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need them.
Therefore
, for financial aspect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
for survival than not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should manage
Did you mean "this situation" or "those situations"?
those situation
to decrease unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is a threat for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
For example
, professional license need to be hold for someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and teach them the right method of using it such as the maximum amount of using.
Furthermore
, giving warning and apply penalty for those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
without license and someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
overtaking it, or even sending them to jail if they addict on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
seriously
and provide a quitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
lesson.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things on science, it
still
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, such as illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful policy to avoid it
Probably a preposition is missing after 'continues'.
continues happen
.
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IELTS essay Science tell us about both activities which are good for health and others which are bad. Millon of people all over the world know this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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