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science says that some activities are unhealthy. despite this,the number of people all over the world who are doing these activites is increasing.why this is happening?what can be done to reduce this

science says that some activities are unhealthy. despite this, the number of people all over the world who are doing these activites is increasing. why this is happening? what can be done to reduce this 0AwKl
Recently, the number of people participating in harmful actions such as eating contest or bungee jumps is significantly increasing. Although participants are aware about the approved drawback on the health of these behaviours, but it still attracts more fans. There are several reasons why these activities, gaining popularity. But certain measures could be taken in order to mitigate and decrease the sum of fans of this activities. Various factors are to blame for the above situation. The effect of social media influencer and the desire to live like celebrities is the main reason why this issue appears in our societies especially among teenagers and younger people. Since that teenagers tend to try and copy their idols, So big companies don't hesitate to promote their risky activities by signing social media and Holywood celebrities offering them deals with huge amounts of money to guarantee the expansion and spreading of such actions. A further cause of the above trouble is the lack of organizing safe sport activities such as football tournaments or swimming championship in modern societies. To illustrate, recent research at the university of Liverpool indicates that the number of sports tournaments organized dramatically decreased by 41% in year 2020 compared to the year 2010. Various courses of actions can be taken in order to address this problem. To begin with, the government could launch a campaign in order to raise the awareness about the negative consequences of these activities. Another way to tackle this problem rely on public society organizations to run several sports and social activities for all the community members and focus on young people to ensure that their leisure time is consumed in activities that help their development. In conclusion, various factors have led to people participate in dangourse activities such the affect of the social media and celebrties but this problem could be addressed by organizing variety of social and motion activites and raising the public awareness about the negative consequences of these activites by launching campaigns specially in schools.
Recently, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participating in harmful actions such as eating contest or bungee jumps is
significantly
increasing. Although participants are aware about the approved drawback on the health of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
still
attracts more fans. There are several reasons why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, gaining popularity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
certain measures could
be taken
in order to mitigate and decrease the sum of fans of
Did you mean "these"?
this
activities.

Various factors are to blame for the above situation. The effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media influencer and the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like celebrities is the main reason why this issue appears in our societies
especially
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
copy their idols,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
don't hesitate to promote their risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by signing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holywood
celebrities offering them deals with huge amounts of money to guarantee the expansion and spreading of such actions. A
further
cause of the above trouble is the lack of organizing safe sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as football tournaments or swimming championship in modern societies. To illustrate, recent research at the university of Liverpool indicates that the number of sports tournaments organized
dramatically
decreased by 41% in year 2020 compared to the year 2010.

Various courses of actions can
be taken
in order to address this problem. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could launch a campaign in order to raise the awareness about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another way to tackle this problem rely on public society organizations to run several sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for all the community members and focus on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to ensure that their leisure time
is consumed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their development.

In conclusion
, various factors have led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
dangourse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such the affect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this problem could
be addressed
by organizing variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and motion
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
and raising the public awareness about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of these
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
by launching campaigns
specially
in schools.

IELTS essay science says that some activities are unhealthy. despite this, the number of people all over the world who are doing these activites is increasing. why this is happening? what can be done to reduce this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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