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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. v. 4

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. v. 4 PVLGX
It is considered that most of people believing that having a balanced diet and daily exercise are not important for wellness and achieving longer life. In my opinion, I think that both are extremely crucial. On the one hand, health is wealth. They want proper care. Balanced diet is that it promotes healthy life. People who eat nutritious food daily in their life then they can enjoy a healthy lifestyle. For instance, In big countries, people are busy in working hours and they do not nutritious food. Hence, that time, they can faces lots of health problem such as, heart attack, obesity, high blood pressure and more over. As a result, pupils should focus on their healthy diet and maintain their body balance. Moreover, Exercise playing a vital role in our life. Through an exercise, people can burn extra fats, improve their body movements and prevent their many health issues. For example, nowadays, number of people could join gyms and doing a yoga according to their own schedule. Besides, when people are showing least interested in exercise then they will facing numerous of problems like, cardiac arrest, depression, and many more. As a consequences, people shall do exercise in daily routine and containing a longer life. Busiest person will not achieving a longer life instead of which people daily doing an exercise. In conclusion, health is precious part of our life. Without healthy life, we can not enjoy any festivals, office work and other one. I think, both are key point of our life. Thus, eat nutrition food every day and improving a health status as well as exercise is also beneficial for our health. Due to the fact, people are doing exercise regularly.
It
is considered
that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing that having a balanced diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for wellness and achieving longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both are
extremely
crucial.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth. They want proper care. Balanced diet is that it promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who eat nutritious food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then they can enjoy a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
For instance
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy in working
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hours and
they do not nutritious food.
Hence
, that time, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "face"
faces
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem such as, heart attack, obesity, high blood pressure and more over.
As a result
, pupils should focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and maintain their body balance.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
playing a vital role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Through an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can burn extra fats,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their body movements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
For example
, nowadays, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
gyms and doing a yoga according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule.
Besides
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing least interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
then they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "face"
facing
numerous of problems like, cardiac arrest, depression, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shall do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
routine and containing a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Busiest".
Busiest
person will not
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "achieve"
achieving
a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
instead
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
doing an exercise.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is precious part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we can not enjoy any festivals, office work and other one. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, both are key point of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, eat nutrition food every day and improving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
also
beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Due to the fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
.
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IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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