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Science and technology vs. the arts and businesses

Science and technology vs. the arts and businesses x2a51
Science and technology, from a general point of view, are considered more important than arts and business today. But why is that? The world nowadays is moving on the basis of these aspects mentioned above. We are getting used to everything being done by machinery. About science, we are evolving exaggeratedly fast, and it has allowed us to know the solution to many things that we could not before. But why does this have more importance according to society? Science gives us knowledge. And technology, you could say, is what lets us "put it into practice". So if we can make our lives a little easier, or save people who are dying, we can do it with the help of science and technology, not with a painting or a dance. People who are in favor of the arts think that it is not fair from part of the state that they donate more money to the improvement of the sciences, instead of donating the money to the culture centers. How can we improve the attention people pay to the arts? First by actually having in mind the fact that people who are artists are also geniuses, but in other campuses or areas that are different from technology and science. In my point of view, arts and businesses should share the support they are given, but without exceeding the importance they must have. The arts need to have an audience so they can keep going. And technology and science also need an audience with requirements, because without them they would not need to create new solutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, from a general point of view,
are considered
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why is that?

The world nowadays is moving on the basis of these aspects mentioned above.

We are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to everything
being done
by machinery.

About
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, we are evolving
exaggeratedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
us to know the solution to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that we could not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why does this have more importance according to society?

Science gives us knowledge. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, you could say, is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
us
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
put it into practice
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
easier, or save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are dying, we can do it with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, not with a painting or a dance.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are in favor of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
from part of the state that they donate more money to the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
,
instead
of donating the money to the culture centers.

How can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pay to the arts?

First
by actually having in mind the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are artists are
also
geniuses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in other campuses or areas that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science.

In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and businesses should share the support they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without exceeding the importance they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
need to have an audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
also
need an audience with requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without them they would not need to create new solutions.
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IELTS essay Science and technology vs. the arts and businesses

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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