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Science and technology has helped the world make many advance. The arts such as Painting, theatre and dance, to name just three example, however, are also valuable. What thing do the arts provide to world that science and technology do not?

There is no doubt that our world become more advance and fast with the help of science and technology. Advance technology make our art more creative through painting, theatre and dance and so on. I believe, apart from science and technology, art provide us opportunity for mind relaxation and skill improvements. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of arts with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. To begin, some people believe that art give them relaxation to their mind. People who have hectic schedule due to work they always like to do painting in their leisure time which helps to reduce their stress level and give chance to quality of time to spend with their loveable things. For example, Salman Khan who is Bollywood actor of India, he is always busy in his flim career, when he gets a chance of free time. He always does painting and get idea or concept for his new film. Another example, many neuroscientist suggest that our brain work 50-60% during the tiredness and fresh mind works 85-90%. Additionally, art helps to improve our physical skills. Children who are more interested in done and singing. They join classes as per their choice and improve themselves. Many of the artists are famous in the world who do practice since childhood. For example, Indian television actress of Avneet Kaur, she does dance since her childhood and perform on national level in “Dance Indian Dance” after her long hardworking. She won this competition on First Position in 2016. To conclude, I believe, science and technology make our art more creative. It does not provide the relaxation and new concept. I believe art is the natural thing. Some people achieve art skill after their long practice. Science and technology does not play any role
There is no doubt that our world become more advance and
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fast
with the
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help
of
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science
and
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technology
. Advance
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technology
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make
our
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art
more creative through painting,
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theatre
and
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dance
and
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so
on. I
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believe
, apart from
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science
and
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technology
,
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art
provide us opportunity for mind relaxation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
improvements. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with relevant
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examples
in the following paragraphs.

To
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begin
,
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some
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people
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believe
that
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art
give them relaxation to their mind.
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People
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who
have hectic schedule due to work they always like to do painting in their leisure time which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and give chance to quality of time to spend with their loveable things. For
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example
, Salman Khan
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who
is Bollywood actor of India, he is always busy in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
flim
career, when he
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gets
a chance of free time. He always
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does
painting and
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get
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idea
or concept for his new film. Another
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example
,
Possible agreement error. The noun neuroscientist seems to be countable; consider using: “many neuroscientists”.
many neuroscientist
suggest that our brain work 50-60% during the tiredness and fresh mind works 85-90%.

Additionally
,
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art
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helps
to
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improve
our physical
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skills
. Children
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who
are more interested in done and singing. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
classes as per their choice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.
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Many
of the artists are
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famous
in the world
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who
do practice since childhood. For
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example
, Indian television actress of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Avneet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kaur
, she
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does
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dance
since her childhood and perform on national level in
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“Dance
Indian
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Dance”
after her long hardworking. She won this competition on
First
Position in 2016.

To conclude
, I
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believe
,
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science
and
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technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
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art
more creative. It
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does
not provide the relaxation and new concept. I
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believe
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art
is the natural thing.
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Some
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people
achieve
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art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
after their long practice.
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Science
and
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technology
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does
not play any
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
role
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IELTS essay Science and technology has helped the world make many advance. The arts such as Painting, theatre and dance, to name just three example, however, are also valuable. What thing do the arts provide to world that science and technology do not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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