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Schools spend too much time teaching subjects like history

Schools spend too much time teaching subjects like history Ywd5V
It is certainly true that the conventional curriculum become an important part of every schools. However, some people believe that the vocational subjects in schools get more attention that the historical subjects. Indeed, I strongly agree to this statement owing to following reasons The first and foremost reason is that the vocational training at early age of schooling accelerates the interest of students to choose particular career. For instance, computer classes from the primary level of schools inculcate the interest of students toward computer and later it help them to become computer professionals. Moreover, these vocational training deviates the hesitation of candidate about their aforementioned job in the down run and help them to build a satisfying profession in their life. Thus job-oriented subjects create a better platform for the children than the traditional subjects Another reason is that the vocational subject in schools curtail the unemployment ratio in a country. Clearly, the ulitimate aim of a student is to get job immediately after schooling. When schools devote their most of time to teach students avout the technical subject it provide immense opportunites for the students to choose a better career. Consequently, every children would be employed and unemployement in job sector will reduce. A recent study conducted by Oxford University in London, for example, disclose that about 80% students in technical students get job after schooling than the students in traditional. Therefore job skills at early school age give good oriented career for the students in their life However, some people think that conventional curriculum impart traditional knowledge about the country and childrens become more knowledgable about the cultural diversities in various countries. Nevertheless, it donot provide any benefits for the development of better career for the children. So their argument is neither tenable nor robstus. To conclude, I reiterate the fact that the schools should focus on job oriented subjects which provide a good vision for the children about their future career as well as good professionals for the country. I hope in future schools would take the immediate measures to focus on vocational subjects.
It is
certainly
true that the conventional curriculum become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "school"?
schools
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention that the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Indeed
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement owing to following reasons

The
first
and foremost reason is that the vocational training at early age of schooling accelerates the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
For instance
, computer classes from the primary level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
inculcate the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
toward computer and later it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
them to become computer professionals.
Moreover
, these vocational training deviates the hesitation of candidate about their aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the down run and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build a satisfying profession in their life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
create a better platform for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than the traditional
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
subjects


Another reason is that the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
curtail the unemployment ratio in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Clearly
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ulitimate
aim of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately after schooling. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
devote their
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
avout
the technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
immense
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportunites
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Consequently
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
would
be employed
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sector will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. A recent study conducted by Oxford University in London,
for example
, disclose that about 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after schooling than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in traditional.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that conventional curriculum impart traditional knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
about the cultural diversities in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Nevertheless
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
provide any benefits for the development of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
their argument is neither tenable nor
Possible spelling mistake found.
robstus
.

To conclude
, I reiterate the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
vision for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
professionals for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I hope in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would take the immediate measures to focus on vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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IELTS essay Schools spend too much time teaching subjects like history

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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