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Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students' future career success, so other subjects like music and sports are not important.

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students' future career success, so other subjects like music and sports are not important. X7NXN
Only subjects that benefit a student’s professional success later in life should be provided by school. Minor subjects, such as music and sports, are redundant. This essay totally disagree with this statement because these subjects not only help a child develop their physical and mental health but also identify their interests and hobbies early in life Firstly, non-academic subjects are actually crucial in the development phase of a child in terms of both physical and psychological aspects. Subjects like sports can help pupils to keep fit. In recent years, young people have been under too much academic pressure. They always live a sedentary lifestyle; if they do more sports, including basketball, tennis, soccer or swimming, which can increase their strength, speed and balance, these students will be healthier. These subjects will also improve youngers’ social skills. When students play sports, they need to cooperate or compare, and they will communicate with each other during that time, making them more pleasant. Moreover, other subjects like music and dance can help students reduce stress after stressful main subjects or concentrate more on lessons. Clearly, non-academic subjects help the children so much in the issues about physical and mental health. Secondly, unimportant subjects might assist youngsters in discovering their passions and hobbies at a young age. Children is the period of human development, so children at this age should be exposed to secondary subjects such as music or a sport to give them direction and know what they like to do and develop themself. Moreover, not every child can do well in the core subjects, so when they are good at one of the minor subjects, they will have better opportunities in the future. For example, Mozart - was a prolific and influential composer of the Classical period; from an early age, he was exposed to music, so he became more interested in music. However, just loving more is not enough, so perhaps he can hone more knowledge and practice more to achieve such success thanks to the music lessons at school. In conclusion, non-academic subjects should be available in all schools because of their advantages, and I believe that seemingly unimportant subjects have a positive impact on both physical and mental aspects and these subjects will contribute an essential part in the student is the road to success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that benefit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
professional success later in life should
be provided
by school. Minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, are redundant. This essay
totally
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a child develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
identify their interests and hobbies early in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


Firstly
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are actually crucial in the development phase of a child in terms of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and psychological aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. In recent years, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been under too much academic pressure. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle; if they do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, including basketball, tennis, soccer or swimming, which can increase their strength, speed and balance, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be healthier. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
’ social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they need to cooperate or compare, and they will communicate with each other during that time, making them more pleasant.
Moreover
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and dance can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after stressful main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or concentrate more on lessons.
Clearly
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much in the issues about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental health.

Secondly
, unimportant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might assist youngsters in discovering their passions and hobbies at a young age. Children is the period of human development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children at this age should
be exposed
to secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to give them direction and know what they like to do and develop
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
Moreover
, not every child can do well in the core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at one of the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they will have better opportunities in the future.
For example
, Mozart
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
was a prolific and influential composer of the Classical period; from an early age, he
was exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he became more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
loving more is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
perhaps he can hone more knowledge and practice more to achieve such success thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lessons at school.

In conclusion
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be available in all schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their advantages, and I believe that
seemingly
unimportant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental aspects and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will contribute an essential part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is the road to success.
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IELTS essay Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students' future career success, so other subjects like music and sports are not important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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