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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v.9

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 9
It is argued that recreational activities are of the same importance as traditional subjects. I totally disagree with this statement. This essay will discuss firstly, school’s main role in children’s life and secondly, how teaching subjects such as art could have a bad influence on the educational process. It is a school’s responsibility to prepare children for today’s challenges and provide them with life skills needed to access different educational and employment opportunities. For instance, in the job market, people with basic skills and knowledge of computers or languages are very likely to find a suitable job, compared to those who can only play a musical instrument or draw a picture. Thus, it is understandable why basic subjects such as IT are much more important than art and music. At this very young age, children are attracted to colours and sounds which could have a negative effect on studying other basic subjects. For example, a study by The School Counsellor Association in America showed that 80% of children chose to attend a drawing class instead of a math class when given the choice to attend either class. Children want to play all the time, so if they get involved in more activities, they will neglect their studies and become reckless. Hence, giving art and music the same attention as traditional subjects could distract children. In conclusion, school should teach children to face this world and help them concentrate on subjects that are beneficial, not only entertaining. It is recommended that art and music should be dropped out of the school curriculum and replaced with subjects such as IT.
It
is argued
that recreational activities are of the same importance as traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
totally
disagree with this statement. This essay will discuss
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
main role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life and
secondly
, how teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the educational process.

It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
responsibility to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s challenges and provide them with life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
educational and employment opportunities.
For instance
, in the job market,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge of computers or languages are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to find a suitable job, compared to those who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play a musical instrument or draw a picture.
Thus
, it is understandable why basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as IT are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music.

At this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracted
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and sounds which could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on studying other basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, a study by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
Possible spelling mistake. 'Counsellor' is British English.
Counsellor
Association in America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
chose to attend a drawing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
instead
of a math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the choice to attend either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
want to play all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in more activities, they will neglect their studies and become reckless.
Hence
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music the same attention as traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could distract children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to face this world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are beneficial, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining. It
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music should
be dropped
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum and replaced with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as IT.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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