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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 10
In the world of competitive sports, coaches and sports specialists have been attempted to identify all defining factors for an athlete to succeed in this field. While many people believe that physical strength is the primary element of winning in sports, others emphasize the willpower. Both of the schools of thought hold valid arguments and I think these strengths should equally be put into account to enhance one's achievement in sports. First and foremost, all sports are defined with physical ability, even ones that may sound the least related to it like chess and e-sports. There is a rule of thumb that physiques and fitness is the primary factor in selecting and coaching athletes. For example, all the most successful NBA players show great physical dominance and consider it as their major advantage to defeat other players in the league. In addition, without physical strength, the strategies would not be able to be executed nicely and precisely. As a result, a team would lose the game owing to the lack of this necessary factor. However, it is proven that psychological factors associated with physical performance. The history of the Olympic Games witnessed many sportsmen coming so close to the glory yet mentally collapsed. Besides, because sports are extremely competitive, competitors are required to practice diligently daily. In most cases, athletes are unlikely to fully reach their potential with the absence of will power, which enables them to carry out through the hard-working practices. In conclusion, both physical and mental strength plays essential parts in competitive sports. In my opinion, to be successful in this field, athletes and coaches need to figure out how to integrate these two winning defining factors.
In the world of competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, coaches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
specialists have
been attempted
to identify all defining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
to succeed in this field. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
is the primary element of winning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, others emphasize the willpower. Both of the schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
hold valid arguments and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
should
equally
be put
into account to enhance one's achievement in sports.

First
and foremost, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are defined
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ability, even ones that may sound the least related to it like chess and e-sports. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of thumb that physiques and fitness is the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in selecting and coaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
For example
, all the most successful NBA players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
dominance and consider it as their major advantage to defeat other players in the league.
In addition
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
, the strategies would not be able to
be executed
nicely
and
precisely
.
As a result
, a team would lose the game owing to the lack of this necessary factor.

However
, it
is proven
that psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
performance. The history of the Olympic Games witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportsmen coming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
close to the glory
yet
mentally collapsed.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
extremely
competitive, competitors
are required
to practice
diligently
daily.
In most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are unlikely to
fully
reach their potential with the absence of will power, which enables them to carry out through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working practices.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
plays essential parts in competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, to be successful in this field,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and coaches need to figure out how to integrate these two winning defining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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