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Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions. v.19

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions. v. 19
These days, quality of human life is in decline. This is mainly because of the sedentary lifestyle of people and increasing pollution all around the world especially in metropolitan cities. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with this growing concern. Firstly, the reason for the decrease in quality of life is people's desk-bound job. In other words, people have to sit long hours in the offices in order to complete their work. Due to increasing competition, employees have the fear of losing their jobs, thus the majority of working population stretch their limits to work till late nights or whenever employer demands. Therefore, such professionals hardly get time for exercises and as a result, they become obese and more prone to illness. Secondly, it is also due to the increasing pollution in metro cities. There is a rapid growth of private vehicles in big cities, because of lack of public transport, which is causing pollution, and everybody’s life is getting affected by it. There are two effective solutions to sustain or improve the quality of human lives. One way to improve this is by educating people about the benefits of yoga and exercise. Government should invest in more parks and people should be encouraged to take time out of their busy schedule to use these parks for morning-evening walks and other activities. Another method of dealing with this problem, is by improving the public transport facilities in all the major cities. Availability of cheap and comfortable public transports, such as metro, will make people choose those over own vehicles. In conclusion, motivating people to incorporate exercise into their daily life and improved public transport are effective in dealing with this issue. If these solutions are implemented, quality of life would improve.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is in decline. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sedentary lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and increasing pollution all around the world
especially
in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There are a number of solutions which should
be implemented
to deal with this growing concern.

Firstly
, the reason for the decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's desk-bound job.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sit long hours in the offices in order to complete their work. Due to increasing competition, employees have the fear of losing their jobs,
thus
the majority of working population stretch their limits to work till late nights or whenever employer demands.
Therefore
, such professionals hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for exercises and
as a result
, they become obese and more prone to illness.
Secondly
, it is
also
due to the increasing pollution in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There is a rapid growth of private vehicles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
, which is causing pollution, and everybody’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it.

There are two effective solutions to sustain or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this is by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the benefits of yoga and exercise.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should invest in more parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to take time out of their busy schedule to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these parks for morning-evening walks and other activities. Another method of dealing with this problem, is by improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
facilities in all the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Availability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
, such as metro, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose those over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles.

In conclusion
, motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to incorporate exercise into their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
are effective in dealing with this issue. If these solutions
are implemented
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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