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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words v.12

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 12
Nowadays, there are almost all the students who work while studying. Although this tendency may lead to negative results, the number of young people who sacrifice education for work is growing. I believe that this problem has certain causes and can be solved by taking special measures. There are several reasons of the students become a worker while studying. First and foremost, the lack of income which cannot cover all the tuition fee and daily needs. As a result, they have to divide their time for earning more and more, thereby sacrificing the external time for working is the only way to do. Taking a part-time job, for instance, this is their effort to fulfil inability for paying school fee and other living cost necessities. Furthermore, the high expenses for higher education is extremely expensive for them, in addition, they expect to attain good quality of education. In a fact, the scholarship for the underprivileged group are rarely given by the rich group, then, the funding support for them is truly needed for the sake of their education. For solving this issue, there are possible solutions to help them in improving their education. Firstly, the government's scholarship could be the effective way to encourage a maximal time to focus on the college. If the flowing of its fee is running properly, it will reduce their burden. Moreover, the certain institutions such as charity foundation, bank or biggest company could render a great donation to support their financial crisis. Thus, the provided fund should belong to the inadequate people in the school and university. By way of conclusion, working while studying for the students is disturbing their concentration. As I would state that the government's contribution and the certain institutions could be effective to provide a great fund for the students.
Nowadays, there are almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who work while studying. Although this tendency may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results, the number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who sacrifice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for work is growing. I believe that this problem has certain causes and can
be solved
by taking special measures.

There are several reasons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become a worker while studying.
First
and foremost, the lack of income which cannot cover all the tuition fee and daily needs.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
divide their time for earning more and more, thereby sacrificing the external time for working is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to do. Taking a part-time job,
for instance
, this is their effort to fulfil inability for paying school fee and other living cost necessities.
Furthermore
, the high expenses for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
extremely
expensive for them,
in addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In a fact, the scholarship for the underprivileged group are rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the rich group, then, the funding support for them is
truly
needed for the sake of their education.

For solving this issue, there are possible solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's scholarship could be the effective way to encourage a maximal time to focus on the college. If the flowing of its fee is running
properly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their burden.
Moreover
, the certain institutions such as charity foundation, bank or biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could render a great donation to support their financial crisis.
Thus
, the provided fund should belong to the inadequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the school and university.

By way of conclusion, working while studying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is disturbing their concentration. As I would state that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's contribution and the certain institutions could be effective to provide a great fund for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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