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schools are giving more attention and time on teaching students traditional subjects such as history

schools are giving more attention and time on teaching students traditional subjects such as history 55YnP
In this advance world, schools are giving more attention and time on teaching students traditional subjects such as history. It is believed that schools should focus on teaching skills to students instead of focusing on traditional subjects. Skills learning will be more beneficial to students in respects of getting job and building career in practical world. As I believe, studying traditional subjects like history is irrelevant to current time. History consists of the scenarios, the events and the historical occasions which have had happened in the past and all these had certain situations and conditions in which they occurred. It is not necessary all these events will recur in same circumstances. Furthermore there were different time and different needs of civilization or we can say the needs of leaders, countries and individual are not same as today’s. Today’s needs are job, food and shelter. We are in a digital age now where students skill matter most. Students must learn any skills which will help them to earn their livings. Skill will teach them to implicate their knowledge into practical world. Learning skills will give students good hold on their technical as well managerial position in any business or company. As per my opinion, teaching subject like history has no use in practical world as per current situation. Today, individuals are unemployed, poor, struggling for food and not able to earn their livings. Teaching skills in schools will help them to start business, to get job or be an entrepreneur in future.
In this advance world, schools are giving more attention and time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
students

traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as history. It
is believed
that schools should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to

students
instead
of focusing on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
learning will be more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in respects of getting job and building career in practical world.

As I believe, studying traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like history is irrelevant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time. History

consists of the scenarios, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and the historical occasions which have had happened in

the past and all these had certain situations and conditions in which they occurred. It is not

necessary all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
will recur in same circumstances.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
needs of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
civilization or
we can say the needs of leaders, countries and

individual are not same as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s needs are job, food and shelter.

We are in a digital age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
matter most.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn any

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to earn their livings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skill
will teach them to implicate their knowledge

into practical world. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hold on their technical
as well


managerial position in any business or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

As

per my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like history has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in practical world as per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current


situation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, individuals
are unemployed
, poor, struggling for food and not able to earn their

livings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in schools will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
business, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job or be an

entrepreneur
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay schools are giving more attention and time on teaching students traditional subjects such as history

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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