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Sample TOEFL essay: "When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. " Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v.1

Sample TOEFL essay: "When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. " with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v. 1
Everyone has a different way to achieve his own success. Success come after a big journey of work and study however, there is disagreement a bout if luck can help us to success or working hard is only the one way to success. Initially, I believe in luck as well but it is not always the reason for success however, many people suffer from lack of luck but they always success, people study hard and graduate from school then university and starts to look for job and works hard and some can reach the success while others cannot. That comes from many reasons for instance, been from a good family with a good relationship or if you have a good talent that maybe open many doors and give you many opportunities. By way of illustration, the soccer player Messi are very lucky to have a great talent and he won many times as the best player in the world this player have a great skill cannot obtain from practice or training in the other hand, there is another player his names is C. Ronaldo also a soccer player he has a great skills came from practice and training and from his story it is obvious how he suffer in his life and how he worked hard to be what he is now. Moreover, sometimes after we worked hared we need some of luck to achieve our ambition for instance, in TOEFL test if you writing essay about any topic you should have some knowledge and some vocabularies also you should know how to order the essay after that you will be apple to write an essay and get a good score but if you don' t have any vocabularies you well not get any score. people who believe in luck may have less competitiveness and lack of responsibility and many of them don' t have the ability to solve problems and always suffer from the failure and think lack of luck effect their performances and achievements. In my conclusion, I think each person have a different way to achieve his success and in my opinion, working hard withe some of luck is the best way.
Everyone has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way to achieve his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
journey of work and study
however
, there is disagreement a bout if luck can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
or working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the one way to success.

Initially
, I believe in luck
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not always the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from lack of luck
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and graduate from school then university and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to look for job and works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
while others cannot. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons
for instance
, been from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship or if you have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
talent that maybe open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doors and give you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities. By way of illustration, the soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
Messi are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucky to have a great
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
talent and
he won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times as the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in the world this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
have a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
cannot obtain from practice or training in the other hand, there is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
his names is C. Ronaldo
also
a soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
he has a great
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "skill"?
skills
came from practice and training and from his story it is obvious how he suffer in his life and how he worked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be what he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
after we worked hared we need
Consider using "some luck" or "some of the luck".
some of luck
to achieve our ambition
for instance
, in TOEFL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
if
Did you mean "you're writing", "you are writing", or "you were writing"?
you writing
essay about any topic you should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocabularies
also
you should know how to order the essay after that you will be apple to write an essay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have any vocabularies you well not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any score.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
who believe in luck may have less competitiveness and lack of responsibility and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have the ability to solve problems and always suffer from the failure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
lack of luck effect their performances and achievements.

In my conclusion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each person have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way to achieve his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and in my opinion, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
withe
Consider using "some luck" or "some of the luck".
some of luck
is the best way.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Sample TOEFL essay: "When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. " with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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