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salary is important factor in people life .do you agree or disagree

salary is important factor in people life. Ymy6j
A number of people believe that salary is the most important factor for them who do not see other factories. I strongly agree with this idea because high salary can alter many things. For example, if they have a high income, they will have many facilities such as a great lifesty and successful career. First of all, gaining high money impacts people lives positively because people will arrive everything easily. ın the nowadays world, money is known to shape of people life with ease. For example, ıf people want to live in high place, they will give more money for house. Incomely high people use the more popular healthy services, and consumption healthy food. As a result, high revenue is really changing people lifestyle. They always utilize more significant things. Secondly, career of people is improved by money since people can buy many certificate, or getting training in the high institute. For instance, someone who have a greater income get educated in the popular university such as oxford that is the most popular others. If you want to get educated there, you will pay the most money. As a consequences, money is known to develop career of people who purchase better certificate or diploma. In conclusion, In my opinion, salary is most important for people lives that brings about many positive things such as great lifestyle, good career.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that salary is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for them who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other factories. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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high
salary can alter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
For example
, if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities such as a great
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifesty
and successful career.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
impacts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
positively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will arrive everything
easily
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ın
the nowadays world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is known
to shape of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ıf
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
place, they will give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Incomely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the more popular healthy services, and consumption healthy food.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
revenue is
really
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lifestyle. They always utilize more significant things.

Secondly
, career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible agreement error. The noun certificate seems to be countable; consider using: "many certificates".
many certificate
, or getting training in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
institute.
For instance
, someone who have a greater income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated in the popular university such as oxford
that is
the most popular others. If you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated there, you will pay the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is known
to develop career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
better certificate or diploma.

In conclusion
, In my opinion, salary is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
that brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things such as great lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career.
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IELTS essay salary is important factor in people life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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