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S1 Which technology has made the greatest impact on people’s life in your country: airplane, computer or television? v.1

S1 Which technology has made the greatest impact on people’s life in your country: airplane, computer or television? v. 1
Today, we are living in a global community. Therefore, to address the needs of this globalization, people sometimes raise voice for the implementation of a globalized speaking communication. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of the this popular belief by using the examples of Oxford University research and Times Magazine survey to demonstrate the points and support the claims. On the one hand, a single global language has a couple of benefits. Firstly, it is easier to understand those cultures, which we are not aware of because of their complex foreign language. Secondly, it is convenient for the people to address each other in case of any need. For example, Oxford University in 2016 researched about the future outputs of a globalized speaking system and find out that it will burst all the psychological barriers of superiority on the basis of addressed communication. So from this example, it is clear that a single language of the globe is the need of the day. On the other hand, few problems will also arise if the unified mother tongue idea gets successful. As, most of the people are deeply influenced by their cultural roots and they don’t want to lose their ancestors’ mother tongue. Additionally, the mother tongue unification will affect the intelligence levels of the new generation as the bilinguals are supposed to be more intellectual. Similarly, a survey of Times Magazine will address the same issue and find out that 60% people agree that the bilingual people are more intelligent as compared to the monolinguals. So from this example, it is clear that it’s difficult to implement a unified speaking system because people are not willing for this change. To conclude, the monolingual approach for the globe is a beneficial approach, but it’s difficult for the people to leave their cultural influences which are attached to that language. In the future, it’s better if the world will also honour the importance of cultural languages instead of uniting the world on a single speaking platform.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are living in a global community.
Therefore
, to address the needs of this globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
raise voice for the implementation of a globalized speaking communication. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
popular belief by using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of Oxford University research and Times Magazine survey to demonstrate the points and support the claims.

On the one hand, a single global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has a couple of benefits.
Firstly
, it is easier to understand those cultures, which we are not aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their complex foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Secondly
, it is convenient for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to address each other in case of any need. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2016 researched about the future outputs of a globalized speaking system and find out that it will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
burst
all the psychological barriers of superiority on the basis of addressed communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
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example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the globe is the need of the day.

On the other hand
, few problems will
also
arise if the unified mother tongue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
successful. As, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
deeply
influenced by their cultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
roots and
they don’t want to lose their ancestors’ mother tongue.
Additionally
, the mother tongue unification will affect the intelligence levels of the new generation as the bilinguals
are supposed
to be more intellectual.
Similarly
, a survey of Times Magazine will address the same issue and find out that 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the bilingual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more intelligent as compared to the monolinguals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it’s difficult to implement a unified speaking system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not willing for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

To conclude
, the monolingual approach for the globe is a beneficial approach,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their cultural influences which
are attached
to that
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language
. In the future, it’s better if the world will
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
the importance of cultural
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languages
instead
of uniting the world on a single speaking platform.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay S1 Which technology has made the greatest impact on people’s life in your country: airplane, computer or television? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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