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role model you want to become

role model you want to become gWdWO
Most of people assume that role model who is a great person and gain a lots achievement such as successful business or super starts. But for me, they are just people we admire and follow. My role model is my classmate, Anh Thu. She is a mirror who helps me more attempt and broaden my perspective thanks to her quality and behavior. The quality that made me fall in love is her attitude toward learning and improving knowledge. While a number of students just learn to pass the examination, she spends a lot of time looking up and understanding the details of the lesson. Actually, I pay attention when Thu concentrates on learning. At that time, she seemed to have an invisible shining beauty. For instance, when our team works together, she becomes a person who is completely different from before, just working and not caring about other problems. Instead of being normal, she is horseplay like a clown. One point that makes a good impression is good behavior. In spite of being an excellent student, she was never arrogant. On the other hand, my classmates are willing to assist others. We nicknamed her "Switchboard Runs On Rice". Because she is always busy with one thousand questions after our lesson, Additionally, while playing the role of the leader, Thu treated everyone the same. There is no distinction between close friends and new friends, or between a good student and a bad student. Therefore, Anh Thu gets satisfaction and admiration from everyone. Thu is a simple example of someone who has both perfect talent and virtue in my heart. She doesn’t stop studuing and striving to cultivate herself. Everyone admires her enthusiasm and equal. For these reasons, she is my role model who I will bias. Fortunately, she appeared in my life.
Most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a great person and gain
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lots of achievement"?
a lots achievement
such as successful business or super
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for me, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we admire and follow. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model is my classmate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anh
Thu. She is a mirror
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me more attempt and broaden my perspective thanks to her quality and behavior.

The quality that made me fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is her attitude toward learning and improving knowledge. While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learn to pass the examination, she spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time looking up and understanding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the lesson. Actually, I pay attention when Thu concentrates on learning. At that time, she seemed to have an invisible shining beauty.
For instance
, when our team works together, she becomes a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
working and not caring about other problems.
Instead
of being normal, she is horseplay like a clown.

One point that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
being an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, she was never arrogant.
On the other hand
, my classmates are willing to assist others. We nicknamed her
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Switchboard Runs On Rice
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
she is always busy with one thousand questions after our lesson,
Additionally
, while playing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of the leader, Thu treated everyone the same. There is no distinction between close friends and new friends, or between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anh
Thu
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
satisfaction and admiration from everyone.

Thu is a simple example of someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has both perfect talent and virtue in my heart. She doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Possible spelling mistake found.
studuing
and striving to cultivate herself. Everyone admires her enthusiasm and equal. For these reasons, she is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
I will bias.
Fortunately
, she appeared in my life.
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IELTS essay role model you want to become

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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