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Ball point pen - the greatest invention?

Ball point pen - the greatest invention? yxybr
Marcel Bich, a French producer of conventional ink pens, was the guy who made the ballpoint pen affordable to practically everyone today. Bich was shocked at the low quality of the available pens, as well as their excessive price. However, seeing that his innovation was well-established, he chose to build a low-cost pen that performed well and would be commercially successful. He asked the Biro brothers whether he may utilize their original invention's design in one of his own pens. In exchange, he promised to reimburse them every time he sold a pen. Then, for two years, Bich investigated the detailed structure of every ballpoint pen offered, frequently using a microscope. He invented a plastic pen in 1950 that wrote smoothly, did not leak, and cost only a few cents. He became incredibly wealthy as a result of his innovation, which had international appeal, and his firm, Société Bic, constructed facilities all over the world and extended its variety of low-cost items over the following 60 years. Bic is now as well known for its lighters and razors as it is for its pens.
Marcel
Bich
, a French producer of conventional ink
pens
, was the guy who made the ballpoint
pen
affordable to
practically
everyone
today
.
Bich
was shocked
at the low quality of the available
pens
,
as well
as their excessive price.
However
, seeing that his innovation was well-established, he chose to build a low-cost
pen
that performed well and would be
commercially
successful. He asked the Biro brothers whether he may utilize their original invention's design in one of his
own
pens
. In exchange, he promised to reimburse them every time he sold a
pen
. Then, for two years,
Bich
investigated the detailed structure of every ballpoint
pen
offered,
frequently
using a microscope. He invented a plastic
pen
in 1950 that wrote
smoothly
, did not leak, and cost
only
a few cents. He became
incredibly
wealthy
as a result
of his innovation, which had international appeal, and his firm,
Société
Bic, constructed facilities all over the world and extended its variety of low-cost items over the following 60 years. Bic is
now
as well
known for its lighters and razors as it is for its
pens
.
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IELTS essay Ball point pen - the greatest invention?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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