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better to have more youmg or older people

better to have more youmg or older people rGyko
In many countries youth comprise higher percentage of total population than elderly people. There will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of having fewer old citizens. However, In my personal opinion, the advantages of mentioned condition are more significant, as will be discussed. ‌On one hand, ‌ ‌In conclusion, I believe having large proportion of youth would result in numerous benefits such as providing better workforce and causing less expenses for community
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
youth comprise higher percentage of total population than elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There will
undoubtedly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of having fewer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
citizens.
However
, In my personal opinion, the advantages of mentioned condition are more significant, as will
be discussed
.

‌On one hand,

‌

‌
In conclusion
, I believe having large proportion of youth would result in numerous benefits such as providing better workforce and causing
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun expenses is countable.
less
expenses for community

IELTS essay better to have more youmg or older people

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
70 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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