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Rich countries should not employ skilled labour from poor countries, as poor countries need the workers more. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Rich countries should not employ skilled labour from poor countries, as poor countries need the workers more. v. 1
Human’s significance is decided on the bases of the social rank and the condition they live in, and the material possession they own. And this has been a criterion to judge people in the society we live in. In the past, people were respected on the bases of their intelligence, kindness, trust and their contribution to society. In my opinion, old-fashioned values are essential for a human to grow and develop in his life. Firstly, the importance of possession and materialistic wants are very common these days because they represent the social status of an individual. One focuses on it because they want to have the importance and fame society they live in. For example, actors and actresses focus on the way they look, the attire they portray, the lavish lifestyle they experience as they have many people following them. In my opinion, they get habituated such a comfortable lifestyle because of which they tend to forget the values or morals of their lives and they tend to lose focus on moral things. Is being honest and loyal important? Yes, having moral values and following them is very important. Most of us need a prosperous family which follows good rule and values. We still give significances to friendship and different relationships, that’s when we create a good bond of trust and a sense of belongingness. For example, every parent wants their children to learn good values and have a healthy and sophisticated lifestyle. To conclude, I believe it is important to have a balance between old-fashioned values and the new era’s lifestyle. As both of them have equal importance in society.
Human’s significance
is decided
on the bases of the social rank and the condition they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in, and the material possession they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. And this has been a criterion to judge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in. In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were respected
on the bases of their intelligence, kindness, trust and their contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned values are essential for a human to grow and develop in his life.

Firstly
, the importance of possession and materialistic wants are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they represent the social status of an individual. One focuses on it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to have the importance and fame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in.
For example
, actors and actresses focus on the way they look, the attire they portray, the lavish lifestyle they experience as they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
following them. In my opinion, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
habituated such a comfortable lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they tend to forget the values or morals of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they tend to lose focus on moral things.

Is being honest and loyal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
? Yes, having moral values and following them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Most of us need a prosperous family which follows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and values. We
still
give
Possible spelling mistake found.
significances
to friendship and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
relationships, that’s when we create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
bond of trust and a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
belongingness
.
For example
, every parent wants their children to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values and have a healthy and sophisticated lifestyle.

To conclude
, I believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have a balance between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned values and the new era’s lifestyle.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
both of them have equal importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries should not employ skilled labour from poor countries, as poor countries need the workers more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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