Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops, Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops, Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 1
It is a controversial topic whether technology and cultures are compatible or not. While technology gets more advanced, traditional cultures lose their trace as it is believed that they simply don't match. Thus, the essay will argue why, this is totally preposterous. Despite it logical to think that it is easy to keep our old habits and traditions together with modern inventions, some people believe it does not make any sense. Because they don't like to live in a digital world where everything is computerized. For instance, in Bali they tend to dislike computers and social media because they assume it spoils their inner peace. Therefore, modern computers and other advanced inventions do not seem to be friendly to those who prefer the earlier environment they are used to. In contrast, coping with the technological revolution does not contradict with preserving our original cultures. Because we strongly believe in who we are and we truly know our origins. For example, ancient civilisations in Japan were not affected by the artificially intelligent machines or robots. It is for these reasons, it is possible for nations to develop as the universe does without losing their special features. In conclusion, it is relevant to abandon some behaviours due to being affected by the modern civilisation. Consequently, the Essay argued why this is only extremely rare. In my opinion, it is totally accurate to think that coping with modern life only makes our life easier and has nothing to do with distorting who we really are.
It is a controversial topic whether technology and cultures are compatible or not. While technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more advanced, traditional cultures lose their trace as it
is believed
that they
simply
don't match.
Thus
, the essay will argue why, this is
totally
preposterous.

Despite it logical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
habits and traditions together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
inventions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they don't like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a digital world where everything
is computerized
.

For instance
, in Bali they tend to dislike computers and social media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they assume it spoils their inner peace.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
computers and other advanced inventions do not seem to be friendly to those who prefer the earlier environment they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.

In contrast
, coping with the technological revolution does not contradict with preserving our original cultures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we
strongly
believe in who we
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
are and
we
truly
know our origins.
For example
, ancient
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisations' is British English.
civilisations
in Japan were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
artificially
intelligent machines or robots. It is for these reasons, it is possible for nations to develop as the universe does without losing their special features.

In conclusion
, it is relevant to abandon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
due to being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
.
Consequently
, the

Essay argued why this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
extremely
rare. In my opinion, it is
totally
accurate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that coping with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life easier and has nothing to do with distorting who we
really
are.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops, Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts