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restrict visiting museums

restrict visiting museums BlOdj
Archaeological remains preserve and display nation’s artistic, social, and political heritage. These historical places may be exposed to damage since many people tend to visit these places regularly nowadays. Thus, it is argued that the number of visitors should be decreased to maintain museums undamaged. I completely disagree with this opinion and my point of view will be more illustrated in the following lines. Firstly, historical attractions such ancient sites or museums and modern momentums have a high impact on the economic and financial status countries. For example, in Egypt there are a lot of pharaonic places for tourists to visit. Unrestricted entrance to historic places has been massively contributed to the enrichment of tourism sector. In other words, tourists contribute hugely to government revenues and the indirect taxes they pay and the jobs they generate. Therefore, free and unlimited museum access to support the industry of tourism is a sensible investment. Secondly, museums have an indispensable role in preserving and transmitting nations’ history to new generations. In fact, every person should have free access to the important cultural resources as part of active citizenship. For instance, free access will encourage citizens of every age to visit and find out more about their country and this in turn will promote the feeling of national unity and identity while increasing greater understanding and acceptance of foreign cultures. In conclusion, visiting museums cannot be restricted; instead, awareness about the importance of preserving museums must b increased by government and public figures. In addition, ministry of culture must increase the numbers of workers in these places to prevent any damage caused by visitors.
Archaeological remains preserve and display nation’s artistic, social, and political heritage. These historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
may
be exposed
to damage since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
regularly
nowadays.
Thus
, it
is argued
that the number of visitors should
be decreased
to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
undamaged. I completely disagree with this opinion and my point of view will be more illustrated in the following lines.

Firstly
, historical attractions such ancient sites or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and modern
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "momenta", the plural form of the noun 'momentum'?
momentums have
a high impact on the economic and financial status countries.
For example
, in Egypt there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Pharaonic".
pharaonic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for tourists to visit. Unrestricted entrance to historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has been
massively
contributed to the enrichment of tourism sector.
In other words
, tourists contribute
hugely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
revenues and the indirect taxes they pay and the jobs they generate.
Therefore
, free and unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
access to support the industry of tourism is a sensible investment.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have an indispensable role in preserving and transmitting nations’ history to new generations. In fact, every person should have free access to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural resources as part of active citizenship.
For instance
, free access will encourage citizens of every age to visit and find out more about their country and this in turn will promote the feeling of national unity and identity while increasing greater understanding and acceptance of foreign cultures.

In conclusion
, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
cannot
be restricted
;
instead
, awareness about the importance of preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
b increased by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and public figures.
In addition
, ministry of culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
increase the numbers of workers in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any damage caused by visitors.
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IELTS essay restrict visiting museums

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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