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Research shows that children spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. What are the reasons for this development? What measures could be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors?

Research shows that children spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. What are the reasons for this development? What measures could be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors? rYrdo
In the current information technology era, the arrival of smart electronic devices has made it rather more convenient for everyone. Especially those parents who are often busy with work, neglecting their children with a TV or maybe a smartphone. As a result, children will spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. Although there are different reasons for this problem, there are many measures which can be taken to resolve this problem. There are three main reasons why children spend longer reception and watching TV. Firstly, in modern life, parents are too busy to play or educate their children, so TV programs are visiting be educational and entertaining for teenagers. Second, the increase in traffic makes the streets too dangerous to manipulate to shield children from busy roads, adults won't allow children to travel out with friends, therefore the sole way children can celebrate is to look at movies or cartoons on TV. Last but not least is that the attraction of TV programs. There are several methods parents can fancy address the problems described above. The first measure is parents should spend time and attention to their children. Not only does this help children feel loved, but it also makes them happier than simply TV company. Second, children should be allowed to attend certain children's centers that provide outdoor activities like camping, running, sports or swimming. Finally, adults should to show children about the harmful effects of watching an excessive amount of TV and encourage them to do to to creative things reception, including painting, making crafts, and playing musical instruments or write poetry. In conclusion, several reasons why children spend longer watching TV are identified and some simple solutions must be implemented to encourage them to undertake and do more active activities and more creative things.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
information technology era, the arrival of smart electronic devices has made it
rather
more convenient for everyone.
Especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
busy with work, neglecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a TV or maybe a smartphone.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more hours in front of the TV
rather
than playing outdoors. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons for this problem, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures which can
be taken
to resolve this problem.

There are three main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
longer reception and watching TV.
Firstly
, in modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy to play or educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
TV programs are visiting be educational and entertaining for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Second, the increase in traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the streets too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to manipulate to shield
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from busy roads, adults won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to travel out with friends,
therefore
the sole way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can celebrate is to look at movies or cartoons on TV. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least is that the attraction of TV programs.

There are several methods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can fancy address the problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above. The
first
measure is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time and attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happier than
simply
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to attend certain children's centers that provide outdoor activities like camping, running, sports or swimming.
Finally
, adults should to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the harmful effects of watching an excessive amount of TV and encourage them to do
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
creative
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "things'" or "thing's"?
things
reception, including painting, making crafts, and playing musical instruments or write poetry.

In conclusion
, several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
longer watching TV
are identified
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple solutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
to encourage them to undertake and do more active activities and more creative things.
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IELTS essay Research shows that children spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. What are the reasons for this development? What measures could be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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