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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT NO ONE SHOULD WORK AFTER THE AGE OF 65 OTHERS SAY THAT THEY SHOULD CONTINUE THE WORK AS LONG AS A WANT. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND CIVE YOUR OPINION

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT NO ONE SHOULD WORK AFTER THE AGE OF 65 OTHERS SAY THAT THEY SHOULD CONTINUE THE WORK AS LONG AS A WANT. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND CIVE YOUR OPINION A3Wow
It is irrefutable tgat in this mechanical era the trend of young generation. Some people believe that after the getting retirement they take rest through remaining life, whereas others opine that people does work after the age of 65. ln this essay, I will discuss the both views and give my opinion in the further paragraphs. To commence with, the body of people are very weak after the age of 65. In addition to this, their body parts are not work properly. So, they take more time to finish any particular work. Nowadays, most of the work doing on computers and if elderly people long time being on electronic gadgets that can be harmful for their health. To exemplify, in the recent survey of Health Department of India published at the age of over 65 in 80% people are getting rest on their house. On the other hand, those who work do after the age of 65 are some benefits. In addition to this, today's most of the job work pattern kept understanding it's not easy and youngster not well experienced person. So, if experience people work with them and they play vital role also learn how to deal with the particular work. In my opinion, I firmly support the first view. The main justification is after the particular age people body do not work properly and they harmful for the particular company. Also more youngster get the opportunity to do work and learn how to deal with different situation. For instance, if after the age of 65 or over people take the retirement that is beneficial for freshers because more vacancy are available in the market. To sum up, although with the experience elders is more useful for the work then the youngsters. But, my points proved that they do not take part in any work after the age of 65 and getting rest for the remaining life.
It is irrefutable
Possible spelling mistake found.
tgat
in this mechanical era the trend of young generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that after the getting retirement they take rest through remaining life, whereas others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
this essay, I will discuss the both views and give my opinion in the
further
paragraphs.

To commence with, the body of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65.
In addition
to this, their body parts are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
properly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they take more time to finish any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
doing on computers and if elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
long time being on electronic gadgets that can be harmful for their health. To exemplify, in the recent survey of Health Department of India published at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of over 65 in 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting rest on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

On the other hand
, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
do after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's most of the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pattern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
understanding it's not easy and youngster not well experienced person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they play vital role
also
learn how to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
work.

In my opinion, I
firmly
support the
first
view. The main justification is after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
body do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
properly and
they harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
more youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and learn how to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation.
For instance
, if after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 or over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the retirement
that is
beneficial for freshers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more vacancy are available in the market.

To sum up, although with the experience elders is more useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Did you mean "than"?
then
the youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, my points proved that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 and getting rest for the remaining life.
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IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT NO ONE SHOULD WORK AFTER THE AGE OF 65 OTHERS SAY THAT THEY SHOULD CONTINUE THE WORK AS LONG AS A WANT. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND CIVE YOUR OPINION

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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