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Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. E3LbR
Submitted by thanhcaohoang on Fri, 02/03/2017 - 00: 33Many people argue that food’s advertisements should be banned since overeating could possess potential threats to human as smoking could. Personally, I disagree with the statement since smoking harms people’s health anyway, but eating properly could still be advantageous. On the one hand, it overeating might negatively affect human’s health. The fact is that many individuals are likely to have obesity when absorbing excessive amount of fat. For example, people who eating fast food products frequently are prone to gain weight and weaken the immune system because of the extravagant amount of fat they obtained. Moreover, overeating might harm people’s health when they are on an unbalanced diet. It is possible for people to lack of adequate nutrients to boost their health when their daily meals are short of important ingredients, namely some sorts of essential vitamins. Indeed, it is severely harmful when people eat in an inappropriate way. On the other hand, smoking owns evident harmful effect, while eating in a suitable way still improve human’s health. Lots of research has pointed out that smoking severely degrades people’s health in anyway. Smokers are usually on the edge of having cancer, since toxic chemicals in cigarettes’ smoke possesses perilous effects to human’s organs, such as the lungs, let alone the non-smokers who inactively inhale the smoke. Conversely, having suitable diets certainly affords people better health. It is apparent that when the body is provided the necessary nutrients, people could stay healthy. If people are aware of maintaining daily meals that are balanced in terms of nutrients, there would be a sufficient intake of vital vitamins and minerals to boost people’s health. In short, It seems to me that since smoking damages people’s health in every way, its advertisements should definitely be banned, but not for those of food products because they only harm people when consumed inappropriately.
Submitted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
thanhcaohoang
on Fri, 02/03/
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2017 - 00
: 33Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that food’s advertisements should
be banned
since overeating could possess potential threats to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
could.
Personally
, I disagree with the statement since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
harms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
anyway,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eating
properly
could
still
be advantageous.

On the one hand,
Did you mean "it's overeating", "it is overeating", or "it was overeating"?
it overeating
might
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The fact is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are likely to have obesity when absorbing excessive amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food products
frequently
are prone to gain weight and weaken the immune system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extravagant amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
they obtained.
Moreover
, overeating might harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
when they are on an unbalanced diet. It is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lack of adequate nutrients to boost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
when their daily meals are short of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ingredients,
namely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of essential vitamins.
Indeed
, it is
severely
harmful when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
Consider replacing "in an inappropriate way" with the adverb for "inappropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an inappropriate way
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
evident harmful effect, while eating
Consider replacing "in a suitable way" with the adverb for "suitable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a suitable way
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Lots of research has pointed out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
severely
degrades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Did you mean "in any way"?
in anyway
. Smokers are
usually
on the edge of having cancer, since toxic chemicals in cigarettes’ smoke possesses perilous effects to
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human organs"?
human’s organs
, such as the lungs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the non-smokers who
inactively
inhale the smoke.
Conversely
, having suitable diets
certainly
affords
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is apparent that when the body
is provided
the necessary nutrients,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could stay healthy. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of maintaining daily meals that
are balanced
in terms of nutrients, there would be a sufficient intake of vital vitamins and minerals to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.

In short, It seems to me that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
damages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in every way, its advertisements should definitely
be banned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for those of food products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when consumed
inappropriately
.
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IELTS essay Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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