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Referring to both lecture and the reading passage, explain why the experience of Levi Strauss is typical of small-business owner. v.1

Referring to both lecture and the reading passage, explain why the experience of Levi Strauss is typical of small-business owner. v. 1
It is a debatable issue nowadays, that parents should motivate their children to play outside and involve them in some team activities in their free time, others believe that the children should engage themselves in their leisure on their own. I agree to the above stated to a greater extent and will discuss both the view points with some relevant examples. On the one hand, the role of parents to motivate their children is pivotal in upbringing their holistic development. As they influence them to play outdoor games so that the skills like team spirit, sharing and social awareness is inculcated in them. Today, due to burden of studies children hardly gets time for their own, and to utilise that free time apart from sedentary lifestyle they should channelise their energy towards such team games. For instance, the statistic of children's health show that, if the children are influenced to play games and to do group task show a high rate of overall development. Evidently, the children are like the buds of our society so they should be dealt with carefully. On the other hand, some think that kids should indulge in some work on their own, as it will make them self confident and reliant. Engaging oneself in activities can make an individual independent and decision making power develop in the budding shells. If given an opportunity such children can prove their mettle at the best. For an illustration, the scientist Einstein, who was neglected by all in the beginning as a child, has proven his inner capabilities and invented many scientific theories. Thus, it is evident that the individual who engage them in some work without any motivation can also prove their abilities. To conclude, although parents should inspire their children for group work such as projects and the outdoor sports, the kids should involve them on their own, so that they can face any rough circumstances in life. In my opinion, one should have a balance over the motivational talks by parents for activities and indulging in their own planned projects, so that it will be advantageous for all concerned.
It is a debatable issue nowadays, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play outside and involve them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
team activities in their free time, others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should engage themselves in their leisure on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the above stated to a greater extent and will discuss both the view points with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant examples.

On the one hand, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is pivotal in upbringing their holistic development. As they influence them to play outdoor games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like team spirit, sharing and social awareness
is inculcated
in them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, due to burden of studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
time for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
that free time apart from sedentary lifestyle they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'channelise' is British English.
channelise
their energy towards such team games.
For instance
, the statistic of children's health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are influenced
to play games and to do group task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a high rate of
overall
development.
Evidently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are like the buds of our society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
be dealt
with
carefully
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that kids should indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
and reliant. Engaging oneself in activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual independent and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
power develop in the budding shells.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can prove their mettle at the best. For an illustration, the scientist Einstein, who
was neglected
by all in the beginning as a child, has proven his inner capabilities and invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientific theories.
Thus
, it is evident that the individual who engage them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work without any motivation can
also
prove their abilities.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should inspire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for group work such as projects and the outdoor sports, the kids should involve them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can face any rough circumstances in life. In my opinion, one should have a balance over the motivational talks by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for activities and indulging in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
planned projects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will be advantageous for all concerned.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Referring to both lecture and the reading passage, explain why the experience of Levi Strauss is typical of small-business owner. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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