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Recently, your position in the company has changed, and accordingly, you are required to write a letter to ask for some corresponding training programs that contains the following information: • What was your last position? • What qualities does your ne v.1

Recently, your position in the company has changed, and accordingly, you are required to write a letter to ask for some corresponding training programs that contains the following information: • What was your last position? • What qualities does your ne v. 1
Due to technological developments and globalisation, nowadays, people are more concerned about their safety because most of the technologies are used for the destructive purpose. Public officials play an important role in providing a protective environment for the public. So, some inhabitants are of the view that the country should spend more on a defensive purpose rather on other social purposes. But, I sternly believe that other benefits should be used in such a way, that people do not need any external help for their safeties. Undoubtedly, local councils must spend huge sum of a money on the overall protection of the individuals. Proper military officials should assign their duties by the military departments, This will result in a carefree environment for the local communities. Due to advancements in the nuclear technology, scientists should help the defence department of the country to ensure safety against the destructive equipments. However, these defensive benefits can also be given to the public with other methods, like every citizen of the country must be given personal training on the self-defence. With this, they will protect themselves against any external attack. Public workers should work on providing the basic needs of the needy. This will boost the overall economy of the government. As a result, more finances can be used for other facilities. Furthermore, public workers should work for the health benefits of the citizens. They should be given free vaccination, treatment of chronic diseases and overall health of the people must be supported by the government. Healthy generation results in the healthy nation and collectively, they are more positive as healthy mind lives in a healthy body. Moreover, more educational institutes must be built to give free or cheap education to all. Literate people are more aware of their safeties. So, they will protect themselves. To conclude, higher officials should spend more money on the local benefits rather only on the defensive because other issues, will increase overall economy which further provide the protective benefits.
Due to technological developments and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more concerned about their safety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the technologies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the destructive purpose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
officials play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in providing a protective environment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inhabitants are of the view that the country should spend more on a defensive purpose
rather
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
sternly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in such a way, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need any external
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their safeties.

Undoubtedly
, local councils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend huge sum of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
protection of the individuals. Proper military officials should assign their duties by the military departments, This will result in a carefree environment for the local communities. Due to advancements in the nuclear technology, scientists should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
department of the country to ensure safety against the destructive equipments.

However
, these defensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods, like every citizen of the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
personal training on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
. With this, they will protect themselves against any external attack.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
workers should work on providing the basic needs of the needy. This will boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
economy of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
As a result
, more finances can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
workers should work for the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of the citizens. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free vaccination, treatment of chronic diseases and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supported
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
generation results in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nation and
collectively
, they are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body.
Moreover
, more educational institutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be built
to give free or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
education to all. Literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware of their safeties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will protect themselves.

To conclude
, higher officials should spend more money on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the defensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues, will increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
economy which
further
provide the protective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently, your position in the company has changed, and accordingly, you are required to write a letter to ask for some corresponding training programs that contains the following information: • What was your last position? • What qualities does your ne v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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