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Recently, more people would buy themselves a car, TV or fridge. Do you think the disadvantages from this condition outweigh the advantages?

Recently, more people would buy themselves a car, TV or fridge. Do you think the disadvantages from this condition outweigh the advantages? ElOkL
Nowadays, the demands for cars, TV, fridge are increased dramatically. Although owning these can make our lives extremely convenient, this can lead to several adverse conditions. I personally agree that this is a negative development towards our lives. Firstly, all these technical equipments give us a sedentary lifestyle. With cars, people are allowed to visit anywhere whenever they want. We can watch movies, news as well as informations around the world on the TV which keeps us updated to the world, while refrigerator allows us to store food for a longer time. Thus, these appliances make our lives easier, more comfortable and happier. However, we need to consider the downsides it brings. These electrical appliances can cause a serious harm to our surroundings. Cars create exhaust fumes which is a form of air pollution. A huge amount of power is consumed in order to run the TV, more fossil fuels are burnt for producing more power which as a result polluted our environment. In addition, the fridge produces carbon dioxide as a by-product that could destruct the atmosphere. So, an extreme damage to the environment is inevitable on using these devices. Moreover, these equipments could drastically ruin a person's life in several aspect. While car might cause obesity due to lack of exercises, TV could harm people's eyes for overusage. Moveover, fridges allow us to keep food a little longer, however the preserved food is proved to be unhealthy by the scientists. Thus, overly using these devices could shorten our lifespans. To conclude, these electrical devices help our lives easier but in return, we were given a shorter life span as well as a polluted environment. I totally agree that the advantages are nothing when compared to the downsides caused by this development.
Nowadays, the demands for
cars
, TV, fridge
are increased
dramatically
. Although owning these can
make
our
lives
extremely
convenient, this can lead to several adverse conditions. I
personally
agree
that this is a
negative
development towards our
lives
.

Firstly
, all these technical equipments give us a sedentary lifestyle. With
cars
,
people
are
allowed
to visit anywhere whenever they want. We can
watch
movies, news
as well
as
informations
around the world on the TV which
keeps
us updated to the world, while refrigerator
allows
us to store food for a longer time.
Thus
, these appliances
make
our
lives
easier, more comfortable and happier.

However
, we need to consider the downsides it brings. These electrical appliances can cause a serious harm to our surroundings.
Cars
create exhaust fumes which is a form of air pollution. A huge amount of power
is consumed
in order to run the TV, more fossil fuels
are burnt
for producing more power which
as a result
polluted our environment.
In addition
, the fridge produces carbon dioxide as a by-product that could destruct the atmosphere.
So
,
an extreme damage
to the environment is inevitable on using these devices.
Moreover
, these equipments could
drastically
ruin a person's life in
several aspect
. While
car
might cause obesity due to lack of exercises, TV could harm
people
's eyes for
overusage
.
Moveover
, fridges
allow
us to
keep
food a
little
longer,
however
the preserved food
is proved
to be unhealthy by the scientists.
Thus
,
overly
using these devices could shorten our lifespans.

To conclude
, these electrical devices
help
our
lives
easier
but
in return, we were
given
a shorter life span
as well
as a polluted environment. I
totally
agree
that the advantages are nothing when compared to the downsides caused by this development.
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IELTS essay Recently, more people would buy themselves a car, TV or fridge. Do you think the disadvantages from this condition outweigh the advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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