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Many countries spend a large amount of money on increasing access to Internet. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a good way for the government to spend its money?

Many countries spend a large amount of money on increasing access to Internet. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a good way for the government to spend its money? oEY7B
Several nations around the world spend an enormous amount of money to get a better access to the Internet. This is because of a better economic income and a boost in workload of a country. I personally think that this is a beneficial development in a country and it is worth spending. To begin with, since more citizens in the country become so much reliable on the Internet, the income from the network increases dramatically. As the technology improves, people can have access to several entertainments such as k-drama, edm etc. As a result, more and more people would willingly spend their money for this easy access. Thus, this creates an income for the country. In additionally, the Internet makes processes more speedy. Not only the citizens, the government, which has quick access to the Internet, can work and hold meetings with the other countires' at any time. So, the Internet boosts one's country projects and work in a rapid way we can never imagine of using the traditional methods. It is worth to spend money on the access of the Internet because in order to catch up with the others in the way they are improving we need a better access to the Internet. The Internet provides not only games, movies for pleasure but also a sea of information and advices for improvement. As for the government which emphasises more on the information will have a better development with a superior access to the Internet. To conclude, the Internet improves the income of a country and also provides conveniences for a faster work-done. Given the situation, it is suggested that the government should invest more money on the Internet. 1.
Several nations around the world spend an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the Internet. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and a boost in workload of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a beneficial development in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it is worth spending.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since more citizens in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much reliable on the Internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
from the network increases
dramatically
. As the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to several entertainments such as k-drama,
Possible spelling mistake found.
edm
etc.
As a result
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
willingly
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for this easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
.
Thus
, this creates an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In
additionally
, the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
processes more speedy. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the citizens, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which has quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the Internet, can work and hold meetings with the other
Possible spelling mistake found.
countires
' at any time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the Internet boosts one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
projects and work
Consider replacing "in a rapid way" with the adverb for "rapid"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a rapid way
we can never imagine of using the traditional methods.

It is worth to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
of the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to catch up with the others in the way they are improving we need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the Internet. The Internet provides not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
games, movies for pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a sea of information and advices for improvement.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "emphases", the plural form of the noun 'emphasis'?
emphasises
more on the information will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
development with a superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the Internet.

To conclude
, the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
provides conveniences for a faster work-done.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the situation, it
is suggested
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the Internet.

1.
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IELTS essay Many countries spend a large amount of money on increasing access to Internet. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a good way for the government to spend its money?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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