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Recently, many people know a few of their neighbors. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

Recently, many people know a few of their neighbors. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Nowadays, many people hardly know any of the people living in their locality. Several factors such as technology, change in work culture have contributed to this problem. The following paragraphs discuss the reasons and the solutions for this issue. First, modern homes have become more sophisticated that hardly there would be a need to step out of their house. Technology has offered solutions for any activity, be it studies, sports, fitness or recreation, to be available in-house. For example, people had to go outdoors for all these activities which gave them a chance to interact and get introduced to people in the neighbourhood. Second, the change in the work culture because of our flourishing economy have made it difficult for people to spend time at home. Moreover, the crowded cities and ever increasing traffic volume has made people spend more time away from home and hence when people get home they want their time to be spent with their own families rather than on socializing. So, some innovative solutions are required to get people out of their homes. Local communities should be supported financially and encouraged to conduct events for sports, social activities and religious festivals. Also, the participants must be provided with handsome rewards which will encourage more people to come to these gatherings. Such changes would eventually lead people to get to know each other better. To recapitulate, it is the people themselves who have to realize the importance of socializing with others. They have to understand that it is the neighbours who can be the first to respond in case of any emergency and have to start working towards getting to know them.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly know any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in their locality. Several factors such as technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in work culture have contributed to this problem. The following paragraphs discuss the reasons and the solutions for this issue.

First
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
have become more sophisticated that hardly there would be a need to step out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Technology has offered solutions for any activity, be it studies, sports, fitness or recreation, to be available in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to go outdoors for all these activities which gave them a chance to interact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
introduced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the work culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our flourishing economy have made it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend time at home.
Moreover
, the crowded cities and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
traffic volume has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time away from home and
hence
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home they want their time to
be spent
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
families
rather
than on socializing.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innovative solutions
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. Local communities should
be supported
financially
and encouraged to conduct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for sports, social activities and religious festivals.
Also
, the participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
with handsome rewards which will encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to these gatherings. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
would
eventually
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each other better.

To recapitulate, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
realize the importance of socializing with others. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand that it is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
who can be the
first
to respond in case of any emergency and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working towards getting to know them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently, many people know a few of their neighbors. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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