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An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and there is no longer a sense of community. What do you think are the causes of this situation? Can you suggest some solutions? v.1

An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and there is no longer a sense of community. What do you think are the causes of this situation? Can you suggest some solutions? v. 1
In recent years, closing hours for stores has become debatable. In some nations, these stores open for longer hours everyday mainly because of the higher demand for goods and services. This has resulted in both benefits, as well as, drawbacks not only on the individuals of the society, but, also on the neighborhoods. This essay will discuss, the major pro which is, provision of job opportunities and also, the major con, which is, increase crime rates. The main advantage is, the provision of jobs. In other words, increase opening hours results in increase manual labor, thereby, increasing job availability for members of the society, which in turn, increases the economy of the nation. Take for instance, the 2017 article, by the Global Union, about the famous 7/11 supermarket, which stated that approximately 200-300 thousand jobs were provided yearly by this store. This mainly occurred, because, the store operated for 24 hours a day every week, thereby, needing more individuals to cover more shifts, without overworking the staffs. Thus, resulting in major job opportunities for individuals with little or no experience. However, there are also demerits to longer operating systems. One of such is, increase criminal activities. This implies that, shops that open for more than 12 hours are, two times more likely to be burglarized than, stores that open for less than 12 hours. According to a research carried out, in 2017, by the People’s magazine, crime rates in Alabama, raised to about 22% after more supermarkets were converted to 24 hours every day. Hence, increasing criminal activities within local neighborhoods. In conclusion, there are many merits to opening stores for more hours, but, the most important is, the provision of jobs within the country. There are also, major demerits such as, increase crime rates.
In recent years, closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
has become debatable. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
open for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the higher demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services. This has resulted in both benefits,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
, drawbacks not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the individuals of the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
also
on the neighborhoods. This essay will discuss, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
pro which is, provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and
also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
con, which is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
crime rates.

The main advantage is, the provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
manual labor, thereby, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
availability for members of the society, which in turn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the economy of the nation. Take
for instance
, the 2017 article, by the Global Union, about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
7/11 supermarket, which stated that approximately 200-300 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
were provided
yearly by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. This
mainly
occurred,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
operated for 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day every week, thereby, needing more individuals to cover more shifts, without overworking the staffs.
Thus
, resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for individuals with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no experience.

However
, there are
also
demerits to longer operating systems. One of such is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
criminal activities.
This implies that
, shops that open for more than 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are, two times more likely to
be burglarized
than,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
that open for less than 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out, in 2017, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s magazine, crime rates in Alabama, raised to about 22% after more supermarkets
were converted
to 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
every day.
Hence
, increasing criminal activities within local neighborhoods.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits to opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is, the provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
within the country. There are
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
demerits such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
crime rates.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and there is no longer a sense of community. What do you think are the causes of this situation? Can you suggest some solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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