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recent study rating 300 male and female mentian advertising

recent study rating 300 male and female mentian advertising 3ag0b
The author concludes by suggesting that in order to run a successful business, the owners shoulf hire prople who need less than 6 hours of sleep. He's argument is based on study held on Mentian Advertising executives. However the arguments has two serious flaws. Firstly, the argument does not specify the how the sleep trends of 300 employees where measured. If any proper method was not adopted to to measure the sleep trends then, the sleep time data might be incorrect as people can not always provide the correct sleep time details. Moreover the argument does not put light on duration of the study. If the obeservation were made only for one week then it makes a lousy study and can not trusted. Secondly, the argument is based on subject size of only 300 employee which is not appropriate for the making generalized statement. What if the majority of employee out of the 300 sleep less because of the advertizing work presure. Nevertheless, these employee might we working when not sleeping so, they have higher margin profit and faster growth. Whereas making generatlization to hire people who sleep might also include the people who are not hard working and just like to sleep late by doing other activites like watching TV or series. People like these even though fulfil the creteria of sleeping less than 6 hours, will not be productive and will also not have higher profits or growth, instead it will be bad decision for the company. In conclusion, the argument is not strong in current stand. The argument needs more information about the study and include more subjects in order to make it generalize.
The author concludes by suggesting that in order to run a successful business, the owners
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoulf
hire
Possible spelling mistake found.
prople
who need less than 6 hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. He's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
held on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mentian
Advertising executives.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
has two serious flaws.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
does not specify
Did you mean "how"?
the how
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
trends of 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
where measured. If any proper method was not adopted
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
measure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
trends then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
time data might be incorrect as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not always provide the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
does not put light on duration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. If the
Possible spelling mistake found.
obeservation
were made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for one week then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a lousy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "trust"
trusted
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is based
on subject size of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
300
Possible agreement error. The noun 'employee' seems to be countable, so consider using: "employees".
employee
which is not appropriate for the making generalized statement. What if the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
out of the 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertizing
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
presure
.
Nevertheless
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
might
Did you mean "we're working", "we are working", or "we were working"?
we working
when not sleeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they have higher margin profit and faster growth. Whereas making
Possible spelling mistake found.
generatlization
to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
might
also
include the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
late by doing other
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
like watching TV or series.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like these
even though
fulfil the
Possible spelling mistake found.
creteria
of sleeping less than 6 hours, will not be productive and will
also
not have higher profits or growth,
instead
it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decision for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is not strong in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stand. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
needs more information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and include more subjects in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it generalize.
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IELTS essay recent study rating 300 male and female mentian advertising

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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