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IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE GOVERNMENT TO PROVIDE HEALTHCARE TO EVERYONE LIVING IN THAT COUNTRY.

IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE GOVERNMENT TO PROVIDE HEALTHCARE TO EVERYONE LIVING IN THAT COUNTRY. VB0y6
In this contemporary developing world the number of healthy people has dramatically gone down, because of industrial and economical transformations. Admittedly, it is quite difficult for people to remain healthy, especially when living in cities, mainly due to a lot of pollution, high costs of treatments and medicine. Therefore, I can vehemently declare that the government has to support its people and provide their health care mainly because of the reasons mentioned in the subsequent body paragraphs. To commence with, the government is elected by people to improve their condition and satisfy their requirements. In other words, the government is responsible for its people and should do everything to provide them with secure lives. As security today is mainly depends on health, governments should first take care of people’s appropriate medical treatments. In my opinion, government is the main cause of most diseases, due to constructing industrial factories and conducting mining processes, which are so harmful for health. Moreover such industrial activities can even cause mutations and cancer. Therefore, government is supposed to compensate this harm by releasing people from health care charges, which usually can cost an arm and a leg. In addition, all countries want to increase the number of their population, certainly except for China. And for this very purpose, they should not only encourage births, but also provide health care to ameliorate people’s health and support longer lives. This, in turn, will result in the reduction of deaths, hence providing gradual increase in population. Moreover, people, who know that health care is free of charge, will turn to doctors more often, consequently detecting and preventing the diseases at their early stages. For example, when I have some pains, I usually do not let my parents’ know about it, as I am pretty sure that they will immediately take me to hospital. Eventually, this will back on them a fortune. In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I do believe that government should provide health care of its people.
In this contemporary developing world the number of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
dramatically
gone down,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of industrial and economical transformations.
Admittedly
, it is quite difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remain healthy,
especially
when living in cities,
mainly
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pollution, high costs of treatments and medicine.
Therefore
, I can
vehemently
declare that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
support its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons mentioned in the subsequent body paragraphs.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is elected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their condition and satisfy their requirements.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and should do everything to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
mainly
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
first
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
appropriate medical treatments. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is the main cause of most diseases, due to constructing industrial factories and conducting mining processes, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
such industrial activities can even cause mutations and cancer.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is supposed
to compensate this harm by releasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
charges, which
usually
can cost an arm and a leg.

In addition
, all countries want to increase the number of their population,
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
China. And for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
purpose, they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage births,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to ameliorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and support longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This, in turn, will result in the reduction of deaths,
hence
providing gradual increase in population.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is free of charge, will turn to doctors more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
consequently
detecting and preventing the diseases at their early stages.
For example
, when I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pains, I
usually
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
my parents’ know about it, as I am pretty sure that they will immediately take me to hospital.
Eventually
, this will back on them a fortune.

In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE GOVERNMENT TO PROVIDE HEALTHCARE TO EVERYONE LIVING IN THAT COUNTRY.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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