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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning from parents and teachers. v. 2
These days, it is true that violent crime rates, especially among the younger members of society, are on the increase all over the globe. A number of psychologists say that the major reason behind this case has something to do with the social and emotional circumstances which children usually see their families and schools. I incline to the view above and support my position with examples. The primary reason why I believe that the lack of social and emotional teaching in families and schools is the major cause, is because of the parents' unacceptable behaviour in the family. What I mean by this is that parents may argue with each other a lot and children are likely to be fed up with such incidents. This case makes the children get away from home and get intimidated in crime. As a matter of fact, a majority of young offenders come from dysfunctional families. Another motive for the high violent crime figures among youngsters is connected to their teachers. In other words, teachers are just conducting their classes, but they are not teaching students how to cope and overcome the problems related to students' lives. Technically, a teacher's duty is to educate children, but they should also help and give their expert advice to pupils. Having taken everything into account, I can say that before doing something, parents should consider the effects of their actions on their children. In addition to this, teachers should not only provide with knowledge, but also help children to find their ways in life.
These days, it is true that violent crime rates,
especially
among the younger members of society, are on the increase all over the globe. A number of psychologists say that the major reason behind this case has something to do with the social and emotional circumstances which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their families and schools.

I incline to the view above and support my position with examples.

The primary reason why I believe that the lack of social and emotional teaching in families and schools is the major cause, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the parents' unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the family. What I mean by this is that parents may argue with each other a lot and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to
be fed
up with such incidents. This case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
intimidated in crime. As a matter of fact, a majority of young offenders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from dysfunctional families.

Another motive for the high violent crime figures among youngsters
is connected
to their teachers.
In other words
, teachers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
conducting their classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not teaching students how to cope and overcome the problems related to students'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Technically
, a teacher's duty is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and give their expert advice to pupils.

Having taken everything into account, I can say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing something, parents should consider the effects of their actions on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
to this, teachers should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide with knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find their ways in life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning from parents and teachers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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