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reasons for the increase of young criminals and solutions

reasons for the increase of young criminals and solutions 1VWPL
Nowadays, the rate of young criminals has dramatically increased in Vietnam, especially in big cities, which is becoming a serious issue. In my opinion, there are three main reasons for this, each of which will need suitable solutions. The first reason for the growing youth crime in urban areas is the migration to major cities. With the development of industry in big cities, more and more people move there for a better life. Nevertheless, these people may be exposed to a lot of problems such as the lack of accommodation and high cost of living. Therefore, they must live in slums which are in bad conditions and security and also a place concentrating a high rate of crimes. This situation might affect their mind and make them commit crimes as a way to make a living. To solve this issue, the government should plan to build houses with low renting fees so that immigrants can afford them and have better living conditions. Secondly, the rate of unemployed people in big cities can cause the increase in the number of criminals who are teenagers. Because of the high competition in cities, a variety of young people do not have a job after graduating, which makes them commit crimes so that they can have money for living. The solution to this problem is to develop the economy in rural areas in order that they can attract people to find a job in the countryside, which will help to reduce the burden of employment in major cities. Finally, the high levels of youth crime might be also the result of the lack of care from parents. In big cities, parents have the tendency to spend more time working to meet their children’s material demands rather than their spiritual ones. Hence, their children can easily form wrong attitudes and make friends with bad people, then be asked to do bad things. To make this situation better, parents should give more care to their children and help them develop fully in terms of attitudes and emotions. In conclusion, the increasing number of young criminals can be caused by the migration to big cities, the unemployment and the lack of care from parents. However, this issue is believed to be solved by providing immigrants with accommodation having low renting fees, distributing the working labor to the countryside and meeting the children’s spiritual demands.
Nowadays, the rate of young criminals has
dramatically
increased in Vietnam,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, which is becoming a serious issue. In my opinion, there are three main reasons for this, each of which will need suitable solutions.

The
first
reason for the growing youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in urban areas is the migration to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. With the development of industry in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
there for a better life.
Nevertheless
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems such as the lack of accommodation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in slums which are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions and security and
also
a place concentrating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This situation might affect their mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. To solve this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should plan to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
with low renting fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that immigrants can afford them and have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions.

Secondly
, the rate of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can cause the increase in the number of criminals who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, a variety of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a job after graduating, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. The solution to this problem is to develop the economy in rural areas in order that they can attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job in the countryside, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of employment in major cities.

Finally
, the
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high
levels of youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
might be
also
the result of the lack of care from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the tendency to spend more time working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
material demands
rather
than their spiritual ones.
Hence
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
attitudes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, then
be asked
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this situation better,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give more care to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop
fully
in terms of attitudes and emotions.

In conclusion
, the increasing number of young criminals can
be caused
by the migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the unemployment and the lack of care from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, this issue
is believed
to
be solved
by providing immigrants with accommodation having low renting fees, distributing the working labor to the countryside and meeting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
spiritual demands.
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IELTS essay reasons for the increase of young criminals and solutions

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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