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Reading stories from books vs watching television and playing computer games games

Reading stories from books vs watching television and playing computer games games PWn6w
It is a better way to indulge the younger generation, doing extra activities with their studies such as reading books, watching television and playing computer games. Although children agree with watching television or playing computer games, I believe reading books is more beneficial for expanding their knowledge and keeping motivated. First of all, Books are helpful to enhance their skills and become advance in their fields. To explain, Books contain a plethora of content related to studies which children should read either storybook or education genres. For example, If younger want to rise their concentration on studies they have to choose books rather than wasting their time with technology. In consequence, they will excel in their studies and become superior in their activities. Secondly, Children are encouraged to grow by books. In detail, Books help children to stay motivated to achieve goals in their life. For instance, While reading the biography of their role model which build-up the enthusiasm to do something in their own life also likewise. Therefore, Reading forces them if they have the target in their life to hit. To conclude, Reading books have more advantages over the fewer drawbacks of being stuck with technology.
It is a better way to indulge the younger generation, doing extra activities with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, watching television and playing computer games. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with watching television or playing computer games, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is more beneficial for expanding their knowledge and keeping motivated.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are helpful to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and become advance in their fields. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
contain a plethora of content related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should read either storybook or education genres.
For example
, If younger want to rise their concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than wasting their time with technology. In consequence, they will excel in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and become superior in their activities.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are encouraged
to grow by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. In detail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay motivated to achieve goals in their life.
For instance
, While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the biography of their role model which build-up the enthusiasm to do something in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life
also
likewise
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
forces them if they have the target in their life to hit.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have more advantages over the fewer drawbacks of
being stuck
with technology.
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IELTS essay Reading stories from books vs watching television and playing computer games games

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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