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railway rather than roads. Up to what extent do you agree or disagree

railway rather than roads. Up to what extent do you agree or disagree kWmRK
Every government works hard so that citizens can commute safely and quickly while businesses get a solid transportation system for trade facilities. Thus when the question arises whether a government should focus on improving its railways or roads, people have divided opinions. I personally agree that the government should spend more money on the railway system. Fast of all, railways offer a safer commuting experience both for the citizens and traders. The numbers of road accidents and highway casualties in many countries, for example, are far higher than that of railway accidents. Thus investing in a safer mode of transportation is a much more prudent idea. Moreover, rails cause comparatively less environmental pollutions while road vehicles are the main reason for increasing pollution and around the world. Second, rails can carry hundreds of people and several hundred tonnes of goods at a time while road transports not built for that. Some shuttle trains are many times faster than that those of private cars and public buses. Thus improved railways would save peoples’ valuable time every day. Thirdly, rail lines are usually away from the main cities and that is why some busy cities have no other alternatives than to improve their rail transportation system. Express trains can reduce the traffic congestion in metro areas, and more investment to improve the railway is the only possible solution in many cities where population density is high. Finally, the population of the world is increasing rapidly, and that is why investing more money in a faster and reliable transportation system is more logical than investing in the older transportation system. Railways will be the future in the transportation sector, and investment in it is the better choice for any government. In conclusion, I believe that a government, either in a developed or a developing country, should invest to build a safer, faster and more reliable transportation system, and the railway, for this reason, should get an obvious priority.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that citizens can commute
safely
and
quickly
while businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
for trade facilities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
when the question arises whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on improving its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have divided opinions. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
offer a safer commuting experience both for the citizens and traders. The numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents and highway casualties in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
for example
, are far higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
accidents.
Thus
investing in a safer mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is a much more prudent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Moreover
, rails cause
comparatively
less environmental pollutions while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
vehicles are the main reason for increasing pollution and around the world.

Second, rails can carry hundreds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and several hundred tonnes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at a time while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transports not built for that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
shuttle trains are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times faster than that those of private cars and public buses.
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
would save peoples’ valuable time every day.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
lines are
usually
away from the main cities and
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
busy cities have no other alternatives than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Express trains can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the traffic congestion in metro areas, and more investment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible solution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities where population density is high.

Finally
, the population of the world is increasing
rapidly
, and
that is
why investing more money in a faster and reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is more logical than investing in the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Railways
will be the future in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
sector, and investment in it is the better choice for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, either in a developed or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
, should invest to build a safer, faster and more reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
,
for this reason
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an obvious priority.

IELTS essay railway rather than roads. Up to what extent do you agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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