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QuestionSome people say that childhood is the best time in a person's life. Other people disagree. What is your opinion? Explain why. v.1

QuestionSome people say that childhood is the best time in a person's life. Other people disagree. What is your opinion? Explain why. v. 1
It is considered by some that the acceptance of negative situation would be the optimal way, while there are others who think that it is better to overcome such unfavourable circumstances. This essay will discuss the possible outcomes of each approach and personal opinion will give in the end. On the one hand, accepting the worst conditions always make a person feel better in their difficult times in life. If the person who do not have positive thinking at the adverse time, who will suffer from stress and make things worse. Additionally, stress will build up and negative thoughts start to well up such as suicide and drug addiction. Moreover, this individual will commit crimes such as bankrupt for the sake of money. Therefore, staying positive at unpleasant situation is the better approach to have a happier life. On the other hand, those who dare to face hardship will become more resilient and a better person over time. For instance, one of the most famous celebrities Rowan Atkinson, who interests in acting and enrolled in a comedy group through his early life. However, a lot of TV shows rejected him because of his speaking disorder and ugly face but he still believes himself. After lots of rejection, he started his own show “Mr. Bean” and it was becoming a global success. Thus, trying for the best is a the best way to give more learning and experience of the life. In conclusion, although there is some evidence to support the claim that it would be better to accept how the situation is bad, I believe that overcome the difficulties will bring a better life.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the acceptance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situation would be the optimal way, while there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to overcome such
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
circumstances. This essay will discuss the possible outcomes of each approach and personal opinion will give in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, accepting the worst conditions always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in their difficult times in life. If the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking at the adverse time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things worse.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
will build up and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to well up such as suicide and drug addiction.
Moreover
, this individual will commit crimes such as bankrupt for the sake of money.
Therefore
, staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
at unpleasant situation is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
approach to have a happier life.

On the other hand
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dare to face hardship will become more resilient and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person over time.
For instance
, one of the most
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
Rowan Atkinson,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
interests in acting and enrolled in a comedy group through his early life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
rejected him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his speaking disorder and ugly face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
still
believes himself. After lots of rejection, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
“Mr. Bean” and it was becoming a global success.
Thus
, trying for the best is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
best way to give more learning and experience of the life.

In conclusion
, although there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence to support the claim that it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to accept how the situation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, I believe that overcome the difficulties will bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay QuestionSome people say that childhood is the best time in a person's life. Other people disagree. What is your opinion? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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