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Question: Some people say that family has the most important influence on individuals. State your opinion

Question: Some people say that family has the most important influence on individuals. State your opinion 1kbQq
Life is a staged process, and each person begins to learn as soon as he enters the world. This entire process comes to an end when people die, and people are influenced by a variety of people and situations throughout their lives. It is thought that people are most impacted by their families. From my point of view, I strongly agree with this statement for several reasons. First of all, family has a significant effect on an individual’s physical strength. Our health and body grow up with the upbringing of our parents. As many people know, children’s characteristics are curiosity, imitative and quick to learn, consequently, they are able to learn many good habits namely doing physical exercise or lifestyle from their families. As a case in point, my father is a fan of strength training, so he always does exercise every morning and afternoon. Therefore, I also join with him every morning as I realize that it is beneficial to my health. Secondly, family not only affects people’s physical development but also our spiritual health. Parents directly influence the formation of offsprings’ personalities. Their personalities are shaped by their family relationship; the youngster from a harmonious family will have an entirely different personality than the child from an unhappy one. For instance, my classmate thrives with a violent and quick-tempered father, so he becomes a boy like his dad. Therefore, no one in my class enjoys playing with him. Moreover, besides families, the school also plays an essential role in the evolution of individuals. The education of teachers, as well as the relationship between school and friends, contribute a great deal to the formation of people’s personalities and wisdom. In short, once again I would confirm that I completely believe that family and also school have the greatest effects on people’s health, personality, and intelligence.
Life is a staged process, and each person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to learn as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he enters the world. This entire process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are influenced
by a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and situations throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most impacted by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. From my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement for several reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has a significant effect on an individual’s physical strength. Our health and body grow up with the upbringing of our parents. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know, children’s characteristics are curiosity, imitative and quick to learn,
consequently
, they are able to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits
namely
doing physical exercise or lifestyle from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. As a case in point, my father is a fan of strength training,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he always does exercise every morning and afternoon.
Therefore
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
with him every morning as I realize that it is beneficial to my health.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
physical development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our spiritual health. Parents
directly
influence the formation of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
’ personalities. Their personalities
are shaped
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship; the youngster from a harmonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will have an
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
than the child from an unhappy one.
For instance
, my classmate thrives with a violent and quick-tempered father,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he becomes a boy like his dad.
Therefore
, no one in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
enjoys playing with him.
Moreover
,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the school
also
plays an essential role in the evolution of individuals. The education of teachers,
as well
as the relationship between school and friends, contribute a great deal to the formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personalities and wisdom.

In short, once again I would confirm that I completely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
also
school have the greatest effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
, and intelligence.
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IELTS essay Question: Some people say that family has the most important influence on individuals. State your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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