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Q3 Keep the Music Building Open LaterCurrently, the campus music building – which has practice rooms students can reservefor playing instruments – closes nightly at nine p. m. I think the university should keepthe building open until midnight. Often, s v.2

Q3 Keep the Music Building Open LaterCurrently, the campus music building – which has practice rooms students can reservefor playing instruments – closes nightly at nine p. m. I think the university should keepthe building open until midnight. Often, s v. 2
The journey of the music is almost as old as mankind itself. In the ancient times, people made a sound harmonically by using the simplest things like stones, wood to express their devotion to the gods. As the centuries have passed, the evolution of the melody moved forward with the modernization of people. In the light of this development process, the reasons of making melody always change according to the regions, cultures and times but it specifically concerns humanity. I strongly believe that music has a strong power to bring all people across the world together to sympathize with the same feelings. First and foremost, sound of harmony is usually being a tool for connecting people. In the old times, when people lost their beloved ones, they gathered and wailed for them in harmony to show and commiserate their pain and loss. Cite an example, during the years of the imperial of Egypt, they arranged a monumental festival for every year. It included the most famous musicians in the country. With participated the civilians, they sang songs for days and nights for their ancestors and gods. This fact is proven by behavioural scientists who pointed that to meet on a common emotion creates an opportunity to establish a powerful bond between people. Secondly, in the modern ages of the world, mankind invented and developed the musical instruments for creating better sound. It followed by many inventions such as building concert halls, making video clips, using different media tools. Nowadays, people upload their works on social media to reach more people. For example, Vienna Philarmonic Orchestra decided to broadcast their performances on the internet. Thus, people of different ages and nationalities of the world bring all together to feel the blessed bliss of melody. In conclusion, whether it is just the sound of an instrument or the naked voice of humans, music is always being a major connective of human's life. The root of the harmony demonstrates human being. That is why we call the music as the oldest and the most knowing language for all humanity.
The journey of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is almost as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
as mankind itself. In the ancient times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
harmonically
by using the simplest things like stones, wood to express their devotion to the gods. As the centuries have passed, the evolution of the melody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
forward with the modernization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the light of this development process, the reasons of making melody always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
according to the regions, cultures and times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
specifically
concerns humanity. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a strong power to bring all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world together to sympathize with the same feelings.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
of harmony is
usually
being a tool for connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their beloved ones, they gathered and wailed for them in harmony to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and commiserate their pain and loss. Cite an example, during the years of the imperial of Egypt, they arranged a monumental festival for every year. It included the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
musicians in the country. With participated the civilians, they sang songs for days and nights for their ancestors and gods. This fact
is proven
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
scientists who pointed that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
on a common emotion creates an opportunity to establish a powerful bond between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, in the modern ages of the world, mankind invented and developed the musical instruments for creating better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
. It followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inventions such as building concert halls, making video clips, using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
media tools. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
upload their works on social media to reach more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, Vienna
Possible spelling mistake found.
Philarmonic
Orchestra decided to broadcast their performances on the internet.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages and nationalities of the world bring all together to feel the blessed bliss of melody.

In conclusion
, whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
of an instrument or the naked voice of humans,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is always being a major connective of human's life. The root of the harmony demonstrates human being.
That is
why we call the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as the oldest and the most knowing language for all humanity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Q3 Keep the Music Building Open LaterCurrently, the campus music building – which has practice rooms students can reservefor playing instruments – closes nightly at nine p. m. I think the university should keepthe building open until midnight. Often, s v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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