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Public health is responsibility of the government or the individual

Public health is responsibility of the government or the individual m2mMA
Recently, several people believe that the majority of the country is responsible for the public health. Meanwhile, others reckon that a person has a responsibility for his own health. Both of the points will be discussed. The first reason why people should look after for their health by themselves is that every person has his own preferences in treatment. For instance, one client may want to heal in the best hospital in the city in comparison to a person who doesn’t pay a lot attention to the place rather than to stay alive. Moreover, some of the surgeries can cost a huge amount of money. Consequently, spending a half of the city’s budget on one person will be wasteful in comparison to helping more people with smaller surgeries. From the other side, I truly believe that the government tend to be responsible for the public health. First of all, not all of population can afford such expensive surgeries which may cost lives due to the poor quality of live or low salaries. In addition, the majority can make charities to collect the appropriate amount for helping a person to pay for a surgery. Furthermore, citizens pay taxes every month for the government that’s why some of the country’s budget has to be divided in the categories such as public health, education and e. t. c. According to the above points of view, both the authority and the individual should be responsible for the public health. The majority should provide advertisements about healthy lifestyle, and people tend to refuse from drinking alcohol, using cigarettes. 261 words
Recently, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the majority of the country is responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Meanwhile, others reckon that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a responsibility for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Both of the points will
be discussed
.

The
first
reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should look after for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by themselves is that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferences in treatment.
For instance
, one client may want to heal in the best hospital in the city
in comparison
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who doesn’t pay
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of attention"?
a lot attention
to the place
rather
than to stay alive.
Moreover
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
surgeries can cost a huge amount of money.
Consequently
, spending a half of the city’s budget on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will be wasteful
in comparison
to helping more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with smaller surgeries.

From the other side, I
truly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
tend to be responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, not
Consider using "all population" or "all of the population".
all of population
can afford such expensive surgeries which may cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to the poor quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or low salaries.
In addition
, the majority can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
charities to collect the appropriate amount for helping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to pay for a surgery.
Furthermore
, citizens pay taxes every month for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that’s why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the country’s budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be divided
in the categories such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, education and e. t. c.

According to the above points of view, both the authority and the individual should be responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The majority should provide advertisements about healthy lifestyle, and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
tend
to refuse from drinking alcohol, using cigarettes.

261 words
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IELTS essay Public health is responsibility of the government or the individual

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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