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General increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect for others. What are the causes behind this and how we can improve this.

General increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect for others. What are the causes behind this and how we can improve this. lWBbJ
As we all are living in 21st century and it is commonly see that people do not respect their elders and other surrounding people. In this essay we will be discuss some causes of this antisocial behaviour and I will suggest some measures to overcome this problem. First and foremost, there are a number of reasons for this kind of behaviour. People are busy in their works and they want to earn more and more money for what they became workholics. They have no time for their families and friends and they become isolated, selfish and different from others. So they do not respect others. Besides this, due to advancement in information technology, people are updated and now they have solution for every problem. This force them to think that they do not need elders in their house. Addition to this, family structure is also the cause of this. People are living in isolated families nowadays, children do not have anyone who can have a look on them because their parents go out for jobs. In previous years, people lived in joint families and children were raised by their grandparents and they taught them discipline. Moving to the solutions, best solution of this problem can be change in family structure, people should live in joint families with their parents and their children both so that young ones can learn good values from their grandparents. Schools can do a lot in this case. In school, students should be taught good manners and discipline. Companies should allocate vacation to their staff so that they can spent time with their families and exchange their feelings. To conclude, I reaffirm that although we are moving towards modernization we should not forgot our values and manners and everyone should understand and respect others.
As we all are living in 21st century and it is
commonly
Consider using a past participle here: "seen".
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not respect their elders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay we will be
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and I will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to overcome this problem.
First
and foremost, there are a number of reasons for this kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are busy in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
works and
they want to earn more and more money for what they became
Possible spelling mistake found.
workholics
. They have no time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they become isolated, selfish and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they do not respect others.
Besides
this, due to advancement in information technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are updated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they have solution for every problem. This force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they do not need elders in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Addition to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure is
also
the cause of this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are living in isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
nowadays, children do not have anyone who can have a look on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents go out for jobs. In previous years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and children
were raised
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grandparents and
they taught them discipline. Moving to the solutions
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
solution of this problem can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with their parents and their children both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that young ones can learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values from their grandparents. Schools can do a lot
in this case
. In school, students should
be taught
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners and discipline.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should allocate vacation to their staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and exchange their feelings.
To conclude
, I reaffirm that although we are moving towards modernization we should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "forget"
forgot
our values and manners and everyone should understand and respect others.
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IELTS essay General increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect for others. What are the causes behind this and how we can improve this.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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