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Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e.g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc.). What is your opinion?

Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion? 9nxp
The poor are those who do not have much money or property to live comfortable lives. Most of the poor’s lives was depending on the government or others’ help. However, there is a wise way to help the poor to get a better life without depending on others which is providing them job opportunities. In my opinion, providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations because they will become more independent in their own life and they can build good characters in themselves. First and foremost, providing job opportunities to the poor is better because they will become more independent in their lives. This is because, when the poor get any legal job, they would gain their own incomes. The incomes will help them in surviving lives such as in getting food, have a comfortable place to live in and it will ensure their families could live well. Since the poor already have their own money, they will not rely on others’ money and they might able to contribute to society in the future. If the poor do not provided with job opportunities, they will keep receiving donations from the government and they would become a lazy person since there are always organizations that will provide them all the basic needs. Thus, undoubtedly that the poor could survive on their own without depending on others if job opportunities are provided to them. Next, the poor should be provided with jobs instead of receiving donations because they can build good characters in themselves. As all know, the one who is working has good characters compared to those who do not. This is because, work itself is able to nurture good characters such as discipline, cleanliness and togetherness in oneself. When the poor are provided with proper jobs, they must attend to the workplace on time, wear proper and clean attire and they must give full commitment to their leader and officemates so that they could restrain with that job for a long period. Then, the poor would have good characters after practicing a better life and they could become a more successful man in the future. Moreover, the eradication of poverty in the country could occur indirectly as the poor are provided with job opportunities. Therefore, it vividly shows that good character could be built in the poor if they have a proper job. In brief, I agree with the statement that providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations because they will become more independent in their own lives and they can build good characters in themselves. It is hoped that the authorities could find and provide proper jobs to the poor so that poverty could be eradicated.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are those who do not have much money or property to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
was depending
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or others’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
However
, there is a wise way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life without depending on others which is providing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. In my opinion, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more independent in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they can build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
in themselves.
First
and foremost, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more independent in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they would gain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
incomes. The incomes will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in surviving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
such as in getting food, have a comfortable place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in and it will ensure their families could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
well. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
already have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money, they will not rely on others’
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
Did you mean "might be able"?
might able
to contribute to society in the future. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "provide"?
provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
government and
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a lazy person since there are always organizations that will provide them all the basic needs.
Thus
,
undoubtedly
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
could survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without depending on others if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
to them.
Next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
instead
of receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
in themselves. As all know, the one who is working has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
compared to those who do not. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, work itself is able to nurture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
such as discipline, cleanliness and togetherness in oneself. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
attend to the workplace on time, wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
and clean
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attire and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give full commitment to their leader and
Possible spelling mistake found.
officemates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could restrain with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a long period. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
would have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
after practicing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a more successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the future.
Moreover
, the eradication of poverty in the country could occur
indirectly
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Therefore
, it
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
could
be built
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
job.

In brief
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more independent in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they can build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
in themselves. It
is hoped
that the authorities could find and provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that poverty could
be eradicated
.
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IELTS essay Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
456 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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