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PROVIDING HEALTHIER FOOD AT YOUR SCHOOL CAFETERIA

PROVIDING HEALTHIER FOOD AT YOUR SCHOOL CAFETERIA Do25W
The proposal is based on a discussion about how healthy the school cafeteria's food. It outlines how inadequate the quality of the food is and the variety of food in the cafeteria. Moreover, it concludes by recommending on how could we enhance the remaining situation. The main topic is about the low quality and the range of food the school cafeteria provides. Since the food in the cafeteria is mostly about fried food, cookies and candy, which are also the food that many students love most. However, there are several steps which could be taken in order to boost this state. First of all, it is suggested that we should offer attractively displayed fruits and vegetables in the center of the cafeteria so that the students can easily see it. Moreover, food should be sold with fresh vegetables so that the dish would look more tasteful and students could have a suficiency of nutrients. For instance, fried chicken could be accompanied by salad. Thirdly, it would be useful to make beverages from the fruits rather than selling fizzy drinks such as lemon juice or apple juice. Finally, the school could consider making new nutrient, food and drink standards so students could base on them to make their choice of what to eat in a wise way. All things considered, by implementing these recommendations, the school could provide students healthy food. Therefore, they would be strong and healthy and have sufficient energy to study comfortably.
The proposal
is based
on a discussion about how healthy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cafeteria's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It outlines how inadequate the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is and the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
.
Moreover
, it concludes by recommending on how could we enhance the remaining situation.

The main topic is about the low quality and the range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
provides. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
is
mostly
about fried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, cookies and candy, which are
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
most.
However
, there are several steps which could
be taken
in order to boost this state.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is suggested
that we should offer
attractively
displayed fruits and vegetables in the center of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be sold
with fresh vegetables
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the dish would look more tasteful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
suficiency
of nutrients.
For instance
, fried chicken could
be accompanied
by salad.

Thirdly
, it would be useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
beverages from the fruits
rather
than selling fizzy drinks such as lemon juice or apple juice.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could consider making new nutrient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drink standards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could base on them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their choice of what to eat
Consider replacing "in a wise way" with the adverb for "wise"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a wise way
.

All things considered, by implementing these recommendations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, they would be strong and healthy and have sufficient energy to study
comfortably
.
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He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay PROVIDING HEALTHIER FOOD AT YOUR SCHOOL CAFETERIA

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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