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Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree?

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. BEVX
In these days, most of the parents are giving the modest amount of pocket money to offsprings in every week it has a lot of positive affect when they grow up. I agree with this view as it would put certain effect on children's personality. This eassy will explain my viewpoints regarding this statement in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are a number of benefits of this approach. The predominant one is sense of responsibility means when parents provide pocket money to their children on a weekly basis then it would help to spend money in a right way. They learn and understand that the amount of money is limited and they need to always to choose between their various desires to ensure correct to use of their pocket money. Besides it, children can learn about the importance of money and save it for a useful things such as to buy a books or any necessary things in their daily life. It can make habit of children to spend money wisely. In upcoming future, it would help when they would earn money then they definitely buy such things which are important for them rather than unuseful things. These are some positive impact of children if parents give child allowances for their expenses. On the other hand, some people believe that it may not good for children. There is a reason behind it because they think that if parents give some money in each week to kids then they may indulge into bad habits. Today's young children prefer more electronic game so that this amount of money may spend on these games to purchase which would effect on their academic performance as well as their health as they spend a lot of of time in front of such electronic games. Therefore, due to such reason they opine that it is bad for kids. In conclusion, it is clear that this approach has both advantages and disadvantage. However, its drawback can overcome by parents when the monitor their offsprings activities and where they spend their weekly pocket money.
In these days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are giving the modest amount of pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in every week it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
affect when they grow up. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as it would put certain effect on children's personality. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
eassy
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my viewpoints regarding this statement in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are a number of benefits of this approach. The predominant one is sense of responsibility means when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on a weekly basis then it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
. They learn and understand that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
limited and
they need
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to always to
choose between their various desires to ensure correct to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Besides
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and save it for a useful
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
such as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a book" or simply "books"?
a books
or any necessary things in their daily life. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
. In upcoming future, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when they would earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then they definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such things which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them
rather
than unuseful things. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give child allowances for their expenses.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There is a reason behind it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in each week to kids then they may indulge into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer more electronic game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on these games to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
which would
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on their academic performance
as well
as their health as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a lot
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
time in front of such electronic games.
Therefore
, due to such reason they opine that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for kids.
In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that this approach has both advantages and disadvantage.
However
, its drawback can overcome by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when the monitor their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
activities and where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their weekly pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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