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Promotions to higher levels should be within a company and not to a new hire from outside Do you agree or disagree v.2

Promotions to higher levels should be within a company and not to a new hire from outside v. 2
It is a widely debated topic whether opportunities for promotion should be given to existing employees or new employees. This essay agrees that internal promotion is beneficial for both the company as well as the employees. This essay will first look at how company will be able to save hiring cost and time by promoting internal staff rather than recruiting new individuals. Further, it will discuss that internal promotion will help to boost morale of employees and thus improve productivity. companies enjoy huge benefits by promoting long term employees as they are able to save the expenses incurred in carrying out in recruiting along with training new people for higher level positions. This is to say, since existing employees performance is already known to the management, it will easy to promote them according to their capabilities and kills to the higher level positions. Thus, the promotion will take at much faster pace and excess recruitment costs can be avoided. To elucidate, a recent survey in The Time in March 2019 found that large organisations are able to save more that 60 percent of their cost by promoting internally and are able to invest that money in other more important fields. Apart from the companies, employees are also benefited. Internal promotions helps to motivate employees and they perform with greater enthusiasm in their jobs. Hence, not only improving their performance but also opening doors with greater opportunities. Moreover, when promoted to higher rankings not only increases their salary but also provides them with greater benefits. To exemplify, a recent survey in The New York Times showed that companies that opt for internal promotions have more than 80 percent of satisfied employees. To conclude, shifting to the higher level positions should be done within the organisations as it is advantageous both for the company by reducing their expenses and to employees by boosting their motivation level.
It is a
widely
debated topic whether opportunities for promotion should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
promotion is beneficial for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. This essay will
first
look at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to save hiring cost and time by promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
staff
rather
than recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
individuals.
Further
, it will discuss that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
promotion will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost morale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
productivity.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
companies
enjoy huge benefits by promoting long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to save the expenses incurred in carrying out in recruiting along with training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
positions. This is to say, since existing
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "employees'" or "employee's"?
employees
performance is already known to the management, it will easy to promote them according to their capabilities and kills to the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
positions.
Thus
, the promotion will take at much faster pace and excess recruitment costs can
be avoided
. To elucidate, a recent survey in The Time in March 2019 found that large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to save more that 60 percent of their cost by promoting
internally
and are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to invest that money in other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fields.

Apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
also
benefited.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Internal
promotions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to motivate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employees and
they perform with greater enthusiasm in their jobs.
Hence
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
improving their performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
opening doors with greater opportunities.
Moreover
, when promoted to higher rankings not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases their salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides them with greater benefits. To exemplify, a recent survey in The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
promotions have more than 80 percent of satisfied employees.

To conclude
, shifting to the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
positions should
be done
within the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
as it is advantageous both for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by reducing their expenses and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by boosting their motivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Promotions to higher levels should be within a company and not to a new hire from outside v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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