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“Prevention is better that curve. ” Out of a country’s budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

“Prevention is better that curve. ” Out of a country’s budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. with this statement? v. 1
The number of people who are constantly under medical treatments and take sick leaves has reached the magnitude which has never been in human history over the last few decades despite significant achievements in medicine at the same period. According to WHO (World Health Organization), this phenomenon can be altered if preventative measures are taken sooner rather than seeing doctors when a disease has already stroke. The statistics, gathered by many medical organizations in different parts of the world, show that there is more chance to cure patients if they regularly go under medical screening. The screening constitutes of blood test and visiting such physicians as therapist, cardiologist, dentist, etc. , who are able to detect if a patient has a disease. Moreover, doctors assure that some incurable diseases, mostly variety types of cancer, can be successfully treated in early stages if patients are frequently conducted medical screening. A young boy from Kazakhstan, for instance, received a syringe instead of long excruciating treatments of a tropical virus which he might have caught on his summer holiday in Thailand since he had given his blood for test as this procedure is mandatory before a school year. Thus, it appears that government should allocate more money to preventative measures rather than coping with treating diseases. There are, nevertheless, problems associated with preventative measures. The first issue refers to young citizens of a country as it is common that people aged between 20 and 40 less worry about health. Physicians acknowledge that the first symptoms of most diseases appear exactly in those ages owing to stressful lifestyle and deteriorated environment; however, young people either neglect them or fail to notice due to relatively stronger immune system. Therefore, when those people become senior the symptoms get severer and can even transform into chronic illnesses. Also, people usually fail to have time to see doctors due to the fact that they are too busy at workplace. For example, my uncle realizes he has to undergo medical screening once half a year, although, he frequently postpones screening at a local hospital owing to his intense work schedule and business trips. It is better to prevent illness than treating it. Thus, government should increase its expenditure on preventative measures and health education in order to decrease morbidity; otherwise, there seems to be more ill individuals than healthy ones in the future.
The number of
people
who are
constantly
under
medical
treatments and take sick
leaves
has reached the magnitude which has never been in human history over the last few decades despite significant achievements in medicine at the same period. According to
WHO
(World Health Organization), this phenomenon can
be altered
if preventative
measures
are taken
sooner
rather
than seeing doctors when a
disease
has already
stroke
.

The statistics, gathered by
many
medical
organizations in
different
parts of the world,
show
that there is more chance to cure patients if they
regularly
go under
medical
screening
. The
screening
constitutes of
blood
test
and visiting such physicians as therapist, cardiologist, dentist, etc.
,
who are able to detect if a patient has a
disease
.
Moreover
, doctors assure that
some
incurable
diseases
,
mostly
variety types of cancer, can be
successfully
treated in early stages if patients are
frequently
conducted
medical
screening
. A young boy from Kazakhstan,
for instance
, received a syringe
instead
of long excruciating treatments of a tropical virus which he might have caught on his summer holiday in Thailand since he had
given
his blood for
test
as this procedure is mandatory
before
a school year.
Thus
, it appears that
government
should allocate more money to preventative
measures
rather
than coping with treating diseases.

There are,
nevertheless
, problems associated with preventative
measures
. The
first
issue refers to young citizens of a country as it is common that
people
aged between 20 and 40 less worry about health. Physicians acknowledge that the
first
symptoms of most
diseases
appear exactly in those ages owing to stressful lifestyle and deteriorated environment;
however
, young
people
either neglect them or fail to notice due to
relatively
stronger immune system.
Therefore
, when those
people
become senior the symptoms
get
severer and can even transform into chronic illnesses.
Also
,
people
usually
fail to have time to
see
doctors due to the fact that they are too busy at workplace.
For example
, my uncle realizes he
has to
undergo
medical
screening
once half a year, although, he
frequently
postpones
screening
at a local hospital owing to his intense work schedule and business trips.

It is better to
prevent
illness than treating it.
Thus
,
government
should increase its expenditure on preventative
measures
and health education in order to decrease morbidity;
otherwise
, there seems to be more ill individuals than healthy ones in the future.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay “Prevention is better that curve. ” Out of a country’s budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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