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“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. LPLK
These days, it is widely believed that investigating and administering various illnesses should be considered as one of the most effective methods. In spite of that a plethora of individuals reckon that alleviating people utilizing this approach is cost too much and, as a result, not everyone could afford it. Instead of wasting money it would be more beneficial to spend cash on preventive measures. Personally, I am in favour of the second idea, due to the following reasons: an opportunity to save money and the quality of a person's health would be much better in comparison with people who opt to use traditional way of treatment. Although it is thought by a handful individuals that conventional medicine is well-known and developed, hence, it provides a chance to quickly identify the diagnosis and successfully recover from acute diseases, while prophylactic measure would be useless and ineffective in such circumstances. Despite this, I personally feel that a plethora of people could become more healthier if they will do preventive care. The reason why is that it would be more profitable for our generation due to the fact that it enables individuals to maintain health on a regular basis and, as a consequence, it does not lead to serious diseases. Furthermore, instead of taking heavy medications which could have harmful effects on other organs, it would be much better to receive intermittent preventive treatment that does not impact on the quality of your organs. In addition, according to the research which was conducted in 2019, over 68% of people opt to take care about their health before they will afflict from severe illness and, whereas individuals who neglect these preventive measures are more susceptible to serious disease. Moreover, such kind of treatment will manage less in comparison with traditional medicine which costs twice as much. In conclusion, although it is a common belief that preventive measures are unnecessary, notwithstanding, I am entirely persuaded that the arguments I mentioned above outweigh this idea.
These days, it is
widely
believed that investigating and administering various illnesses should
be considered
as one of the most effective methods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
reckon that alleviating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilizing this approach
is cost
too much and,
as a result
, not everyone could afford it.
Instead
of wasting money it would be more beneficial to spend cash on preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
.
Personally
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, due to the following reasons: an opportunity to save money and the quality of a person's health would be much better
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
traditional way of treatment.

Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a handful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
that conventional medicine is well-known and developed,
hence
, it provides a chance to
quickly
identify the diagnosis and
successfully
recover from acute diseases, while prophylactic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
would be useless and ineffective in such circumstances.

Despite this, I
personally
feel that a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could become
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
if they will do preventive care. The reason why is that it would be more profitable for our generation due to the fact that it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to maintain health on a regular basis and, as a consequence, it does not lead to serious diseases.
Furthermore
,
instead
of taking heavy medications which could have harmful effects on other organs, it would be much better to receive intermittent preventive treatment that does not impact on the quality of your organs.
In addition
, according to the research which
was conducted
in 2019, over 68% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to take care about their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they will afflict from severe illness and, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who neglect these preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are more susceptible to serious disease.
Moreover
, such kind of treatment will manage less
in comparison
with traditional medicine which costs twice as much.

In conclusion
, although it is a common belief that preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are unnecessary, notwithstanding, I am
entirely
persuaded that the arguments I mentioned above outweigh this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
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IELTS essay “Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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