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Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? g5bl1
It is observed that in recent times, school goers are pressurised, so that from early age, they become more hardworking. If questioned, I firmly believe that this notion has more positives than negatives. My inclination is justified in the ensuing write-ups. There are several arguments to support my stance. The first and foremost one is that children can become more motivated during their academics. In other words, if students have intensive mood during their study, they can get good result in their exam. For example, there is a survey which was conducted by Cambridge university in 2015; it revealed that 47% students got high grades in their final test because of extra pressure provided by schools. Furthermore, kids can develop their moral values. To illustrate, students have many responsibilities and pressure to do good in study; therefore, they can learn ethics such as decision making. Moreover, pressure can be useful during their working period for students. To elaborate, if kids are grew up in disciplinary environment, they can easily adjust in new job atmosphere. On the contrary, there are various harmful effects of this situation. The primary one is that pressure can affect the mindset of kids. To reformulate, children who have pressure during their studies, they can suffer from mental illness like depression. Sometimes, some students take bad steps because of pressure. For instance, 17% students of India are suffering from anxiety because of excessive amount of pressure by parents and society. In conclusion, it can be seen that pressure on children are increasing day by day; due to that pressure, students got motivated to do something. Although having pressure can disturb mental stability of students, I strongly support that it has more good effect because it has ability to motivate kids as well as it can boost morals of children.
It
is observed
that in recent times, school goers are
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that from early age, they become more hardworking. If questioned, I
firmly
believe that this notion has more positives than negatives. My inclination
is justified
in the ensuing write-ups.

There are several arguments to support my stance. The
first
and foremost one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become more motivated during their academics.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have intensive mood during their study, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result in their exam.
For example
, there is a survey which
was conducted
by Cambridge university in 2015; it revealed that 47%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
high grades in their final
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
provided by schools.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can develop their moral values. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in study;
therefore
, they can learn ethics such as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
can be useful during their working period for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To elaborate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
up in disciplinary environment, they can
easily
adjust in new job atmosphere.

On the contrary
, there are various harmful effects of this situation. The primary one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
can affect the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. To reformulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
during their studies, they can suffer from mental illness like depression.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
For instance
, 17%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of India are suffering from anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
by parents and society.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are increasing day by day; due to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
motivated to do something. Although having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
can disturb mental stability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I
strongly
support that it has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has ability to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as well
as it can boost morals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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