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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? 2baNA
Art is perceived as a beautiful representation of a variety of cultures around the globe. However, currently people are showing less and less interest in art and more and more passion in science, technology and business. In this essay, I will analyse the main reasons behind this trend and propose possible solutions to boost public interest in arts. Individuals are less attracted by arts mainly because of lower salaries and fewer jobs at the workplace. Firstly, it is a well-known fact that artists are paid less compared to other professionals. For example, in China, it is reported that the average pay of workers in the financial field is around 15, 000 RMB per month while that of either a painter or a musician is around 8000 RMB per month. We can find an obvious difference in this aspect. Moreover, there are more job opportunities for people like doctors and engineers than a sculptor, a writer and other art employees. Therefore, it is the problems of unsatisfactory income and insufficient positions that result in the artistic apathy. There are some feasible measures which could revive the popularity of art simultaneously. One way of doing this is to make art a viable career option. The government should create jobs in this sector by opening art galleries, holing musical events and organizing other cultural programs. At the same time, the government should support art and artists by giving special incentives if masterpieces of art are produced. Such policies will encourage numerous students to pursue art at school, especially in post-secondary institutions. Additionally, a balance in the education system between art and STEM disciplines could also bring tremendous benefits as more attention would be drawn towards the domains of art and culture. In conclusion, financial concerns destroy the popularity of artist. However, by increasing talent demands of the artwork and improvising school syllabi, the new generation could be attracted towards the long-forgotten profession of art and thus the recovering of the popularity of art would be achieved.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is perceived
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
representation of a variety of cultures around the globe.
However
,
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and more and more passion in science, technology and business. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the main reasons behind this trend and propose possible solutions to boost public interest in arts.

Individuals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
attracted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lower salaries and fewer jobs at the workplace.
Firstly
,
it is a well-known fact that
artists
are paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
compared to other professionals.
For example
, in China, it
is reported
that the average pay of workers in the financial field is around 15, 000 RMB per month while that of either a painter or a musician is around 8000 RMB per month. We can find an obvious difference in this aspect.
Moreover
, there are more job opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like doctors and engineers than a sculptor, a writer and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
employees.
Therefore
, it is the problems of unsatisfactory income and insufficient positions that result in the artistic apathy.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible measures which could revive the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
simultaneously
. One way of doing this is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
a viable career option. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create jobs in this sector by opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries, holing musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and organizing other cultural programs. At the same time, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and artists by giving special incentives if masterpieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are produced
. Such policies will encourage numerous students to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at school,
especially
in post-secondary institutions.
Additionally
, a balance in the education system between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and STEM disciplines could
also
bring tremendous benefits as more attention would
be drawn
towards the domains of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture.

In conclusion
, financial concerns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the popularity of artist.
However
, by increasing talent demands of the artwork and improvising school syllabi, the new generation could
be attracted
towards the long-forgotten profession of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
thus
the recovering of the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would
be achieved
.
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IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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