Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. What do you think the main advantages and disadvantages of this development ?

Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. What do you think the main advantages and disadvantages of this development? aEpNY
Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. In my opinion, this development have both advantages and disadvantages. In the first paragragh, there are the advantages, and in the second paragragh, it will be the disadvantage. On the one hand, I believe that the development of portable entertainment devices have two main advantages. First of all, thanks to those devices, entertainments now is accesible everywhere, everytime. For instance, I can easily listen to our favourite songs while doing workout or going running, I can easily continue watching a movie on the bus if I suddenly need to go outside to buy something. The second advantage is giving us a quick relaxing time. In big city, people don’t have much time to do entertaiment, which leads to a demand that everything need to be quick and easy to do, so that portable devices for entertainment have a chance to grow up. On the other hand, the biggest disadvantage is this development makes people be less sociable. For the reason that we use it when we have a short free time, such as in a breakout or in the lunch time, those devices will take all of our time that we have to communicate with others people. In some case, it can be a benefit with those who are introvert, but in general, it create a big wall in our relationship. In conclusion, I think this development give us more advantage than disadvantage if we don’t abuse it.
Portable entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, such as MP3 or DVD players, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to listen to music or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
commonplace. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages. In the
first
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragragh
, there are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, and in the second
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragragh
, it will be the disadvantage.

On the one hand, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of portable entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, thanks to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, entertainments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
accesible
everywhere,
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
.
For instance
, I can
easily
listen to our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
songs while doing workout or going running, I can
easily
continue watching a movie on the bus if I
suddenly
need to go outside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is giving us a quick relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertaiment
, which leads to a demand that everything need to be quick and easy to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that portable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
for entertainment have a chance to grow up.

On the other hand
, the biggest disadvantage is this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be less sociable. For the reason that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it when we have a short free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, such as in a breakout or in the lunch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
will take all of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case, it can be a benefit with those who are introvert,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in general
, it
Did you mean "creates"?
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
wall in our relationship.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
give us more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
than disadvantage if we don’t abuse it.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. What do you think the main advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. What do you think the main advantages and disadvantages of this development ?